Richard and I returned to our RE's office for bloodwork and an ultrasound yesterday. This was our first check since the ultrasound we had on November 26, and we were on day 6 of stims. I think it's been a while since we had a Monday appointment, but the clinic was swarming! I guess everyone had some sort of appointment after not going in over the weekend. Our RE saw us instead of our regular ultrasound tech or the physician's assistant. Rather than watching the ultrasound screen, I chatted with my doctor about the podcasts I listened to while driving back from Dallas this weekend. He reported that although my right ovary had three follicles growing--a 12, a 14, and 16--there was not much going on with my left ovary.
When we talked with the nurse, she wanted to get a pulse on how we might want to proceed if there were still only three follicles when we returned for our next visit, which she expected to be Wednesday. If we didn't see any new growth, the three options would be:
- Go forward with the retrieval as planned
- Convert the cycle to IUI
- Cancel the cycle completely
After three failed IUIs this summer and years of trying to conceive without intervention, Richard and I were not thrilled about option 2 or 3. While doing an egg retrieval requires anesthesia and higher costs than IUI, we have already sunk so much money into medications and monitoring for this cycle that option 1 seemed like the best choice. Knowing that our numbers will always be low, it seems like a waste to stop at this point.
Trusting God can feel hard when our life doesn't look anything like we thought it would.
But can you imagine how much less anxiety, fear, angst, and heartbreak we would have if we truly trusted Him?
I don't mean just saying we trust God because it's the Christian thing to say. I don’t mean just singing words of trusting God because it’s in the praise song. I mean having a marked moment. A real live moment we can point to and remind ourselves that we declared we will trust God with this suffering. With this disappointment. With this situation.
Time I woke up: 8:40 am