I am not the fastest runner in most scenarios, but I go into most of my races with a plan that will get me through the finish. This is something my running friends know about me. I'm not one to change distances on race day because I typically mentally prepare for the race the day before. I take Bob Coolidge's advice of, "Get your mind right" to the next level.
There's an all-night trail run through the woods of south Louisiana in July, and the race takes place on a looped course. During this race in 2018, I passed Preacher from GOATS, and his ankle was hurting. I asked if he wanted me to keep him company, but he told me to go on because I was looking strong. He ended up dropping out of the race. Later, he told me that he realized his goose was cooked when I passed him because he knew I had a plan that was going to put me pretty close to the allotted 10 hours for the race.
It's kind of funny that I have this reputation for always having a plan because failed plans have been the beginning of some of the greatest stories in my life. I have been intentional about the timeline for my plans, but as the saying goes, "If you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans." Richard and I decided that we did not want to have children while we were still in Shreveport, but as our time in Shreveport was drawing to a close, we started planning to have children. When we shopped for houses, we weren't looking for a forever house, but we wanted at least three-bedroom houses so we would have a place for a child and a room for guests. Nearly two years later, we have two guest rooms.
As it turns out, nothing related to becoming parents has gone according to our plan, and we have no idea why. We could just be unlucky. After a year of trying, Richard and I took the first steps to figure out what might be the problem. Every test has come back normal, which left us with the diagnosis of unexplained infertility. That's exactly the kind of diagnosis that a person like me really hates to receive. If we could just identify the problem, there would be something to attack, right? Well, maybe. That part is frustrating too.
The "unexplained" part of unexplained infertility applies to so much more than the science part. I question myself and wonder if this is happening to Richard and me because we waited until I was nearly 29 to even start trying. Also, I ask so many other questions. I ask my doctor questions about what I should do differently or what out next steps are. I read success stories and try to weigh which suggestions seem credible. At one time, I would Google questions about pregnancy as it relates to running, being over 30, or having hypothyroidism, and a few months later, I would Google those same questions again because I wondered if I missed something the last time I looked up answers.
It took much effort on my part to stop drowning in the "What ifs?" but I have been working on curbing my questions. Through everything, I have to remember that there are plenty of other wonderful parts of my life. While reframing my thoughts has not exactly solved my problems, it has certainly made the wait a little easier. Additionally, it has gotten me to a place where I would rather share my experience than immerse myself in a Google rabbit hole. So, I'll be sharing some pieces of my story this week.
Something that made today great: I made this Italian bread, and it was fantastic. The dough was sticky, but I had fun getting a little messy while I kneaded it.
Time I woke up: 10:00 am
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