Thursday, February 28, 2019

Day 179

I know I blogged recently about how much I love Harry Potter and the Sacred Text, but y'all...I love Harry Potter and the Sacred Text. 

A little over a year ago, I received the soul-crushing and dream-squashing news that I was not accepted to NC State. This came as a shock to me because I felt that I had put nothing but my best efforts forward, and I had plenty of experience in the field. I did my best to handle the rejection with grace and to try to look at the many other good options I had ahead of me. For the most part, it worked, but I did have a semi-private meltdown in my car that included bawling, howling like a wolf in distress, and attempting to mop up my own snot with a rain jacket. (That didn't work.) As if all of that sounded like enough of a mess, I also did that thing where I thought about how terrible my face probably looked and cried even harder at that thought. Oh, and a midi of "Great Is Thy Faithfulness" was playing on loop from my phone while all of this happened.

Definitely not my finest moment, but it's pretty hilarious now.

Anyway, the entire situation of my rejection has crossed my mind a few times this week. I haven't been hard on myself about it; in fact, even though this week has been a struggle and a half, I have remained thankful for much of what has happened since that moment last February. Even during my bad weeks, I have to give myself credit for doing pretty well in life most of the time.

Today on my way to work, the voicemail on the Harry Potter and the Sacred Text episode I was listening to was in response to the episode on chapter 9, "Grim Defeat," under the theme of frustration. The caller, Dave, discussed professor Snape's frustration with being passed over for the Defense Against the Dark Arts teaching position, and Casper made a really great point that resonated with me today. He said,

The thing that I’m really left with, Dave, is that Snape not being given the cursed position is actually a really strategic move by Dumbledore, and I don’t know if this is a nice thing to say, but maybe it’s true that like you can’t give people what they want for their own, you know, for their own self-interest in the long-term. Even if they don’t know it. I don’t know, that’s helping me see like another level of Dumbledore’s wisdom.

Wow. I've written before about how everything worked out for me, but what I appreciate here is how Casper realizes that what he is about to say might not be nice, but it is likely true. I went back through the comments on the Facebook post where I announced that I had not been accepted to NCSU and could really use the prayers of my friends and family as Richard and I navigated our next steps, and I was comforted all over again by the support and kindness people offered me. It was especially interesting to see a year later after the situation had worked itself out. While I wouldn't have liked someone saying "Maybe it's true that you can't give people want they want for their own self-interest in the long term, even if they don't know it," a year ago, it surely is the truth today.  It's easier to hear when the sadness is over, though. (That's a geaux Tigers!)

Something that made today great: I made it out for a run for the first time since
Time I woke up: 10:00...yikes. I was tired.

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