tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-47921212727727455242024-03-05T07:16:20.021-06:00Stories In My SkinKimberly R. Davishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03492932270058951996noreply@blogger.comBlogger485125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4792121272772745524.post-80332847806007072812024-01-13T20:45:00.004-06:002024-01-13T20:53:54.313-06:00A Dozen Lessons Learned from a Diaper DashLast time I wrote, I was in labor. Today, our baby girl--it was a girl!--participated in her first race. They grow up so fast!<br /><br />Rendezvous Louisiane is one of my favorite weekends of the year; the weekend includes the Louisiana Marathon and its various festivities that showcase some of the best parts about Louisiana, and this year, they introduced a Diaper Dash. I didn't think much of it when I saw the e-mails about the Diaper Dash back in December, but Baby D has quickly gotten more mobile, so last night around 7:30 pm, I decided to sign her up for the race. The website described the Diaper Dash in this way:<br /><br /><blockquote><i>Open to children 2 and under, this promises to be the cutest event of the weekend! </i></blockquote><blockquote><i>"Competitors" will crawl across the 10' race course to determine the winner. Parents are encouraged to bring their favorite toy, binky, or whatever shiny plaything that motivates the young athletes to crawl faster than the competition. Children must be 2 years or younger to register. Crawling is mandatory. Any child who stands and walks will be disqualified from awards.<br /><br /> Sign them up today and start "training"!</i></blockquote>Every parent thinks their kid is the best, and it turns out I am no exception. After seeing Baby D seemingly teleport from one side of her play area to another when I turned my back for half a second, crawling ten feet would be no big deal. I was ready to watch my baby rock her race.<div><br />The actual race went differently than I imagined, in part due to my missteps. We started off in Wave 2 of the race with seven other babies and a large crowd of spectators, but Baby D didn't make it over the starting line. Instead, she cried until I went to pick her up and feed her. Our cousins Tim and Emily showed up a little after 2:00, and we were able to get into the impromptu Wave 3 (with babies who were late) around 2:10 pm. Wave 3 only had three other participants, and Baby D completed the race, placing third in the wave.</div><div><br />As this all went down, I found myself reflecting on what I have learned in my running life and recognizing how the lessons from the Diaper Dash apply to runners of all ages, shapes, and sizes, and races of all distances. After more than eight months of blog silence, I am back to share some of these lessons.<br /><br /><b>1. Proper rest makes everything better.</b><br />The eight-month sleep regression is no joke. We were up multiple times last night, and Baby D only caught two short naps (interestingly, both were 36 minutes each) before she had to toe the line. I believe the lack of sleep compromised her race performance.</div><div><b><br />2. Hydration and nutrition are critical.</b><br />I fell short here today. I fed her shortly after she awoke from her second 36-minute nap at approximately 11:30 am. I hoped she would sleep until at least 12:30. She eats every 2.5-3 hours, so a 12:30 bottle would have put her in the sweet spot of not spitting up but not being hungry yet when we started the race at 2:00 pm. As it happened, she was definitely hungry at 2:00 pm, which impacted her race. <br /><br /><b>3. You've gotta get your gear right.</b><br />This wasn't such a big deal for a 10-foot race, especially one where the participants were not wearing shoes, but I think everyone has experienced a run where something was off with their gear. Those of us who are lucky have this happen on a short training run rather than a major race day, but the wrong socks, shoes, or an inconvenient seam can really throw a wrench in things.<br /><br /><b>4. [Proper] training matters.<br /></b>Signing her up for a race with under 24 hours notice was asking a lot. Obviously, we did not have sufficient time to train, so we were 100% winging it. The next few lessons relate to areas I will address in future races.<br /><br /><b>5. Have a support crew you can trust.</b><br />In my early running days, I trained and raced mostly solo. I had several years where I trained and raced with other people, and Richard would come to races and meet me on the course to take my jacket, give me a snack, or hug me. Now, I am mostly by myself again. I thought we would be fine, so I rolled up to the event just the two of us. At a minimum we needed one other person--someone to get her going at the start and someone at the end to shake toys and distract her. I was so glad Tim and Emily showed up before Wave 3<br /><b><br />6. The size of the race makes a difference.</b><br />I ran the New York City Marathon in November and went in with a bit of a big head. I was humbled by the hills and the thousands of other runners quite quickly. My best race times have been at much smaller races, so I have to consider the size of the race when I make my plans for the event. Baby D did much better with the smaller field in Wave 3, though she'd also eaten before Wave 3 (see #2). The NYC Marathon had spectators almost the whole way after about mile 8, which is also unlike many races I do. While I loved the crowd, it does make for a different race experience!<br /><br /><b>7. Block out the noise. </b><br />Aside from Scooter's fervent barks at passersby and delivery trucks, we lead a pretty quiet life at the Davis house. On top of the lack of proper sleep and nutrition, the crowd at the Diaper Dash was noisy and enthusiastic. Baby D was not prepared for the noise or crowd, and I did not properly train her on how to block out the noise--both the loud people on the outside and any negative voices on the inside. <br /><br /><b>8. It's not *all* about the bling.</b><br />Before the race, baby D was very interested in the medal I brought home from this morning's Louisiana Quarter Marathon. I thought it would entice her to crawl to me faster, but she didn't care about it one bit once the race was on. I think many runners can learn from this; running is also about the journey and celebrating what our bodies can do.<br /><br /><b>9. It's okay to be scared when you are doing new or big things.</b><br />The crowd, the noise, the distance--heck, racing in general!--it's all new. Everyone was new at some point, but with some experience, some help from each other, and likely a few blunders, we figure it out. It's okay to be a little scared of so much unknown.<br /><br /><b>10. Win or lose, be a good sport.</b><br />As Baz Luhrmann says in "Everybody's Free (To Wear Sunscreen)," "The race is long, and in the end, it's only with yourself." People have so many different reasons for racing. I started running in honor of my dad and found it to be an excellent way to process grief and celebrate my body. Baby D raced today because I signed her up for the Diaper Dask the night before. Although the circumstances were challenging, she displayed grace and poise...especially once she had a bottle. Congratulate the winner (if you know how to talk), and appreciate what your body did for you that day.<br /><br /><b>11. Don't take yourself too seriously.</b><br />Again, everyone has their reasons for racing. Many of those reasons are different from person to person, and they are just that: personal. Celebrate the victories, and take the tougher days in stride. My dad once told me, "Things are never as good or bad as you think they are." Not only that, but...<br /><br /><b>12. There will be another opportunity to get back out there.</b><br />Sure, Baby D will age out of Diaper Dashes, but this is just the first of many opportunities she will have to compete and celebrate her body. Honor what went well with this opportunity and look ahead to how you can continue to improve in the future.</div><div><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgyILtUDRnHDYJ33eSsDB_iKq9nvW5G-SGSW0fRlOj7UAeXkA154S05VWv1K4Sxz2p2eIySAr22TXrGU_OY-Q9bASk4bTP_UPDNGzzEdSvaMujU_O0d5tBofz2QQCsPkFjZwd0lC0sUzYnosa2BBgacvn1L23CY8izO1GlPFrJdRCpHdmKFUsEt0K0t9nm0/s3109/IMG_9785.HEIC"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgyILtUDRnHDYJ33eSsDB_iKq9nvW5G-SGSW0fRlOj7UAeXkA154S05VWv1K4Sxz2p2eIySAr22TXrGU_OY-Q9bASk4bTP_UPDNGzzEdSvaMujU_O0d5tBofz2QQCsPkFjZwd0lC0sUzYnosa2BBgacvn1L23CY8izO1GlPFrJdRCpHdmKFUsEt0K0t9nm0/s320/IMG_9785.HEIC" /></a></div><div><br /><br />Something that made today great: I ran my best time ever in the Louisiana Quarter Marathon! <br />Time I woke up: 6:00-ish am</div>Kimberly R. Davishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03492932270058951996noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4792121272772745524.post-82901124254366761902023-05-08T11:05:00.004-05:002023-05-08T11:15:47.187-05:00The Rate-Determining Step<p>I am not sure if it has come up here before (probably so since I have written about all kinds of things over the years), but there was a significant portion of my life when I wanted to be a medical doctor. Life, my science grades, and my test scores took me in a different direction, and I never tried to retake the MCAT or reapply to medical school. But before all of that, I still learned quite a bit of chemistry. For some reason, I recently remembered the term "rate-determining step," which in the chemistry world refers to the slowest step of a chemical reaction. This step (often?) determines how quickly the rest of the reaction can proceed. My general chemistry professor, Dr. Dopke, explained it something like this: if we decided we wanted to go to the beach in Florida (leaving from Mercer's Macon campus in central Georgia), there would be a few steps involved. We'd need to (1) head back to our rooms/homes, (2) pack our bags, (3) load up the car (and maybe get gas), and (4) actually drive to the beach. Some people lived closer to the Willet Science Center than others, so the duration of step 1 would vary a bit. Similarly, some people pack deliberately, and others throw a few things in a bag and head out. Even with those differences, what would really impact the travel time would be step 4: getting from central Georgia to some coastal area in Florida.</p><p>Lately, I have been thinking about how much I shared as we navigated fertility treatments and how quiet I have been through pregnancy (comparatively). Medically, I have been fortunate to have an uncomplicated pregnancy, but I remained guarded because I had gotten my hopes up so many times when we were trying to make embryos and stay pregnant. I also remembered how hard it was to see what felt like the rest of the world moving forward with growing their families while no amount of hoping, praying, or throwing money at the problem seemed to work. While any updates I posted about my pregnancy were met with support and enthusiasm, I didn't want to trigger other people who were still in the infertility trenches. The days kept ticking by, though, and every week was a little better. Then when I reached 32 weeks back in March, my doctor started bringing me in for twice-weekly ultrasounds (thank you, hypothyroidism and pregnancy!) and told me we would schedule an induction for the baby. That initiated a whole new series of worries that maybe there was more wrong with me than I realized. Eventually, I grew to welcome the little visits to see how the baby was progressing--largely because everything looked good at each visit. </p><p>Going back to the chemistry analogy, pregnancy has, in many ways, been the rate-determining step in our journey to grow our family. Cumulatively, the nearly three years we spent trying to conceive were longer in duration than this pregnancy, but there was a conclusion at the end of each month; not pregnant, try again. Each IVF cycle had its own mini-steps where I could provide updates: follicle measurements, retrieval numbers, fertilization numbers, blastocyst numbers, and testing results. Our first two embryo transfers led to short-lived pregnancies, so I always had an update about those as well. With this pregnancy, however, each appointment or update was the same: still pregnant, probably going to have a baby, but no guarantees that some unusual circumstance could strike.</p><p>We scheduled the induction for today, and I am writing this post with an IV in my arm. I am getting fluids and medication through the IV, and the contractions are starting but are mild. At my ultrasound on Thursday (May 4), Baby Davis's estimated weight was 9 pounds, 10 ounces. My doctor reported that the baby was still sitting up high, and my cervix was closed. Like for real closed. It turns out this baby is smart like their parents and figured out that life on the inside is pretty sweet. We discussed a possible C-section instead of induction, but I told him I would like to try labor and see if I could deliver vaginally. So, that's where we are at the moment. Ultimately, our goals are (1) a healthy mom and (2) a healthy baby.</p><p>After I was all hooked up this morning, our nurse told me she would be watching the baby for any changes while I rested. We have been listening to the baby's heartbeat on the monitors. Before I drifted off for a short nap, I told Richard that I was glad to be in the hospital so if anything did turn south, we would have a team ready to take the baby out and give us both the care we need so we can achieve our two goals. I am surprised at how reassured I am by the sound of this little heartbeat, and I can't wait for the end of our rate-determining step as we proceed into parenthood.</p><p>Until that happens, we continue to welcome thoughts, prayers, gender guesses, and funny labor stories. I'm going to take another nap.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHxAWu34rBrvIAmfVuIp6oWPuLJi-VwghFRur_BP8CKX94PqmdqmmnKAQ3R25pza0yNdyqBkkSKLE0dapygmuW-57IojSj6vweR48O1ANJnQ6TL1IFnQ0KEj7fyToI3JCM5dzSokWLFo0DD-9ErVdPkLzjSU2Q59e_E6MA14PtPsZLeP6IWkrG3jJ_gA/s3024/IMG_5340.HEIC" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3024" data-original-width="3024" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHxAWu34rBrvIAmfVuIp6oWPuLJi-VwghFRur_BP8CKX94PqmdqmmnKAQ3R25pza0yNdyqBkkSKLE0dapygmuW-57IojSj6vweR48O1ANJnQ6TL1IFnQ0KEj7fyToI3JCM5dzSokWLFo0DD-9ErVdPkLzjSU2Q59e_E6MA14PtPsZLeP6IWkrG3jJ_gA/s320/IMG_5340.HEIC" width="320" /></a></div><br /><p><br /></p>Kimberly R. Davishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03492932270058951996noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4792121272772745524.post-26897547093100216292023-01-10T23:54:00.003-06:002023-01-11T00:06:43.145-06:00Anniversaries and Pregnancy<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">It's been a while. I'm still here and still pregnant. These are both good things, though the holidays and today specifically have been tougher than I would like to admit.</div><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Balancing grief due to pregnancy loss and excitement from a pregnancy that seems to be working out is challenging. The holidays hit me hard as I thought about the two babies who did not make it to see Christmas 2022 with us. Someone encouraged me not to think about the babies that didn't make it but to look forward to the sweet one on the way. Even with such early losses, I never want to forget; it does not seem fair to them or to me. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Fortunately (at times anyway), I rarely forget something that feels important to me. As long as I can remember, I have always been good at keeping track of dates. Weirdly, I was not a superstar history student, but I can recall dates from my personal life well. This is a double-edged sword on days like today. January 10, 2022 was my first ultrasound appointment that wasn't checking for follicles or looking at the thickness of my uterine lining. (There were so many of those!) After several positive but slow-growing betas following our fresh embryo transfer in December 2021, we had an early OB appointment to check on our embryos. While I was nervous that slow-rising betas could mean an ectopic pregnancy, I was hopeful for good news.</div><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">I thought we were in the clear as long as the embryo had implanted in my uterus and not my fallopian tubes, but I learned that morning that a blighted ovum (anembryonic pregnancy) was not only a thing that could happen but a thing that was happening to me. I will never forget my doctor repeating, "I don't like what I'm seeing." Those words still haunt me; I hear them in my doctor's voice because that's how they're cemented in my memory.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">A year later, I am 22 weeks and 5 days pregnant with what we hope will be the first child we get to meet in person. But also a year later, I find it difficult to be truly excited about an ultrasound. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">I haven not posted many pregnancy updates for several reasons. One is that I find baby bump shots kind of triggering, though I did totally buy into the silly trend to take a picture with Ben and Jerry's Half Baked ice cream when I hit 20 weeks pregnant (halfway). Another reason is that I have not been able to shake the feeling that the other shoe is about to drop. Pregnancy after infertility is a wild ride, even if the pregnancy itself is relatively uneventful (which mine has been so far, thankfully). It's difficult for others who have not walked this road to understand why I often feel that healthy babies happen to other people, not to me. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">I ran across my letter board in my closet today, and I have not redone it in a year. It still has the same vocabulary-themed message I wrote last January, even though I could have been using it over the past few months to share updates or write about how the baby is the size of various foods or 80's and 90's nostalgia items--<i>I think Furby week is next week!</i>--as reported in the pregnancy apps. Overall, though, we are doing well and hopeful that our estimated due date of May 11 (or somewhere around there because babies seem to do what they want) will be the day we have dreamed about and waited for. Please remember us over the next few months; perhaps I will update again, but I'm always happy to talk outside of the blog about the candy I am eating, how many naps I have taken lately, or what my latest maternity clothing purchase has been (lately it's running clothes!)</div><p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjH5M_Hixp4krXZM2GT2TpZqNZm6uSzrIYWq4VX9o2TD0Lphpw_zpLLxTqeHF7WLlPrHJPDat1LkX1oVs_kSKv3O0NDSg_0GOegQVp12KMngriiqQRI1_ShbvPnJH3N6U7Y8Gpkb2ketx26TPe-m1ZoyeLJFVzCdqtiT3VAiaJ-8QAc-07RVWoBveqrrA/s1242/325016565_1360108808138449_3643975498109162087_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1242" data-original-width="1242" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjH5M_Hixp4krXZM2GT2TpZqNZm6uSzrIYWq4VX9o2TD0Lphpw_zpLLxTqeHF7WLlPrHJPDat1LkX1oVs_kSKv3O0NDSg_0GOegQVp12KMngriiqQRI1_ShbvPnJH3N6U7Y8Gpkb2ketx26TPe-m1ZoyeLJFVzCdqtiT3VAiaJ-8QAc-07RVWoBveqrrA/s320/325016565_1360108808138449_3643975498109162087_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Special jewelry my friends have sent to help me remember the journey, our babies, and our incredible support network.</td></tr></tbody></table></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div>Something that made today great: I checked several tasks off of my mounting to-do list at work! <p></p><p></p><p>Time I woke up: 8:55 am</p><br />Kimberly R. Davishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03492932270058951996noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4792121272772745524.post-63921030637009564192022-09-29T23:03:00.002-05:002022-09-29T23:11:31.315-05:00Transfer #3 - Ultrasound Appointment<p>After three weeks and two days that somehow flew by but also seemed to take forever, Richard and I returned to our fertility clinic. (Recall that after two promising betas, they told us to go live our lives for a bit. This was definitely weird after going for frequent monitoring and bloodwork, but we managed to fill the time. I spent quite a bit of the time questioning potential symptoms--"Was that a cramp?"--and had one scare with a small amount of spotting when I finished my run one afternoon (it was fine and actually normal)). </p><p>To cut to the chase, the news today was all good. Our ultrasound tech found the heartbeat quickly, and the measurements all looked great! Based on my treatment cycle, I hit 8 weeks pregnant today, and the baby (yes, there's a BABY!) is measuring 8 weeks + 2 days with a heart rate of 167. (I told some people 166 because I apparently forgot...but the paperwork said 167.) The baby is about the size of a gummy bear.</p><p>When we met with the nurse after the ultrasound, she told us we were kicked out of the fertility clinic and off to the regular OB/GYN (you know, the doctor where people who get pregnant in less...complicated?...ways go from the beginning). She gave us a graduation bag, which was exciting but also made me feel self-conscious because I have watched so many people carry those bags out of the clinic and felt like I was being punched in the gut. I made Richard carry the bag, and we skedaddled through the waiting room and out of the clinic as quickly but inconspicuously as possible. (It was probably neither quick nor inconspicuous, to be honest.) Then, we went to Whataburger because that's our most frequent post-fertility clinic breakfast stop.</p><p>As fate would have it, my annual visit to my OB/GYN was scheduled for 9:40 this morning, so I hand delivered our graduation papers--including a letter from my RE that began, "It is my pleasure to refer Kimberly for routine prenatal care"--to my doctor today and set up my next ultrasound and appointment. After 3.5 years of routine checkups and bloodwork, procedures, and surgery to see what the heck is going on (which remained unexplained, but we ruled out a bunch of stuff), he is ready and excited for this next adventure.</p><p>For the rest of my day, I wore the graduation cap that Maryanne and Josephine bedazzled for my LSU graduation party, and it was the perfect accessory for graduating from the fertility clinic. Since I work from home, nobody really saw it, but I did wear it to my therapy appointment. (And somehow managed to get some work done despite having three appointments!) Here's a photo of me wearing the hat and using a "clear skin" Snapchat filter because I have been picking at a spot on my chin.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiifbMW7VZy8rnv1sy5VQSdQf2m2N-A7bdT61z0P4ofruG49e0fbakBdJbv5vxYY213z03IwrBoAadZB2gQKR3Bpj0bGJHUcaqHOYS3IAs4CeQB-8nbf2zRG0Bi3pTSGnxIWXvXp7bL8Hi14mPEeJbXXVtIyb1on5IHHStdCWGhGH3bIscY1D2liRtdVg/s2208/IMG_2078.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2208" data-original-width="1170" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiifbMW7VZy8rnv1sy5VQSdQf2m2N-A7bdT61z0P4ofruG49e0fbakBdJbv5vxYY213z03IwrBoAadZB2gQKR3Bpj0bGJHUcaqHOYS3IAs4CeQB-8nbf2zRG0Bi3pTSGnxIWXvXp7bL8Hi14mPEeJbXXVtIyb1on5IHHStdCWGhGH3bIscY1D2liRtdVg/w213-h400/IMG_2078.JPG" width="213" /></a></div><div><br /></div>And because Richard rarely gets attention on my blog (despite the fact that he's the dreamiest), here's a picture of Richard today after our appointment. He was ready to go to bed but tolerated the quick photo op. <div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgX-k4iZfcNmFG1bhUJIi32zjAn4S8DNDR52AyOdNkX2Ig1XI-3YwuRXIeXAmMiV6WujIE4NqnRgEeIEm4SvQ00FapL9qM6SC7U-koLEK27nQE04KeswPBqgWD_HAtHDRfCbKB8Bxkyyvvo5zpHbM8F83QGmjxHnprj7wqW1lXAzTf_RgCQD0VGrcztkQ/s4032/IMG_2072.HEIC" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgX-k4iZfcNmFG1bhUJIi32zjAn4S8DNDR52AyOdNkX2Ig1XI-3YwuRXIeXAmMiV6WujIE4NqnRgEeIEm4SvQ00FapL9qM6SC7U-koLEK27nQE04KeswPBqgWD_HAtHDRfCbKB8Bxkyyvvo5zpHbM8F83QGmjxHnprj7wqW1lXAzTf_RgCQD0VGrcztkQ/s320/IMG_2072.HEIC" width="240" /></a></div><p>So, this is all pretty cool. I don't have pregnancy symptoms other than some tender breasts, mild cramping, and wanting to take 4 naps per day, but I am reminding myself that some (many?) people reach this point in pregnancy without having any symptoms or even knowing they are pregnant. We still have a ways to go--as my OB/GYN said today, we won't worry as much after 13 weeks, but we really won't stop worrying until the baby is born. Then he quickly corrected his statement and said we won't stop worrying until the baby is done with college. That's about what I had gathered independently.</p><p>Our next steps are ultrasound and bloodwork in two weeks (10/13) and a visit with the OB/GYN in about three weeks (10/21). Until then, my job is to stay hydrated, eat well, and not stress. I'm going to give it my all and hope that my best is good enough! We are excited and grateful for lots of support and prayer while we wait.</p><p>Something that made today great: It's pretty tough to top graduating from our fertility clinic.</p><p>Time I woke up: 6:40 am</p></div>Kimberly R. Davishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03492932270058951996noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4792121272772745524.post-55024942386639099742022-09-07T22:28:00.004-05:002022-09-07T23:37:26.470-05:00Transfer #3/FET #2 - Beta #2<p>After the good news on Friday, I took home pregnancy tests every morning when I woke up (that's first morning urine, or FMU) to make sure I was still pregnant. While a common practice, this is not a best practice for many reasons including that the darkness of the line is indicative of the concentration of HCG...but only to a limited extent. My lines were looking good, and I got what's called a "dye stealer," which is supposedly when the test line is darker than the control line because it has stolen some of the dye that would've gone to the control line. I don't know how true all of that is. </p><p>What I do know is that the amount of dye stealing leveled off, and I spent some time going down Google rabbit holes to compare pictures of other people's pregnancy tests and HCG levels to try to guess where mine was. I do not recommend doing this, but for full transparency, I now have a photo album on my phone called "Other People's Pregnancy Tests." I also have an album of photos of my own tests, appropriately titled "FET #3," but despite my openness about infertility and other intimate matters, I have a personal policy that prohibits posting pictures of things I peed on to my social media/blog. So, you'll just have to trust me on these.</p><p>On Friday morning, I calculated that my HCG would be around 824 if it was doubling every three days and 1308 if it was doubling every two days. In some photos, tests that looked like mine aligned with HCG around 1000. In others, tests that looked like mine were in the 500 range. Still in others, tests that looked like mine had HCG levels around 2000. So, I didn't know what to expect, but I kept hoping and praying for a healthy rising beta.</p><p>My blood result yesterday, about 99 hours after Friday's beta? <b>2459. </b>Woah. This number doesn't have any 3s in it, and I have no musical recommendations based on this number, but I guess 2459 means something to me now!</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXTeb5rF2hu2wjBg6pI1AQklii6NHjw83LmJL45sn0VjHSs4P7Xqcif-16lZ7R_Ao81XlTJXi49o0hqO5TwjDB5jXo5mD5PUU3Vt0yk4AJs_WI3qOrQB4DbiTOTK0WlKd11UzkUny33kXRAJtNTPX31BxuTZpaMnGIrOiXniAlLMY_8boOcQLYOf97Ww/s1242/IMG_1786.PNG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="845" data-original-width="1242" height="218" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXTeb5rF2hu2wjBg6pI1AQklii6NHjw83LmJL45sn0VjHSs4P7Xqcif-16lZ7R_Ao81XlTJXi49o0hqO5TwjDB5jXo5mD5PUU3Vt0yk4AJs_WI3qOrQB4DbiTOTK0WlKd11UzkUny33kXRAJtNTPX31BxuTZpaMnGIrOiXniAlLMY_8boOcQLYOf97Ww/s320/IMG_1786.PNG" width="320" id="id_792_d1dd_e530_debc" style="width: 320px; height: auto;"></a></div><br><p>I found out my result early by stalking my patient portal, and I even wondered if there was the slim possibility of a mix-up. When my RE's assistant called an hour later, she read me the same number. This time, I responded more professionally than I did when she called with our preimplantation genetic testing (PGT) results. (It probably helped that I knew what to expect.) She told me to continue all of the medications and that my RE wanted to see me around 7 weeks, so September 29 or 30. Naturally, I picked the earlier date, but it's still over three weeks away.</p><p>While I recognize that not needing to go back to the RE's office is probably a good thing, it feels a little weird to have weeks to wait after biweekly monitoring appointments for egg retrievals and IUIs. This is just one way that infertility has warped my ideas about what pregnancy is like. Pregnancy has been so difficult for us to achieve that it's hard to imagine just sitting and letting a baby grow, but that's exactly what plenty of people do. In fact, many people might not even know they are pregnant at this point (five weeks today!)</p><p>This seems to be our most promising transfer yet, so I'm remaining hopeful and dare I say allowing myself to get a little excited? I don't have any major symptoms but am definitely grazing and snacking more than usual. I'm not complaining yet, but I'm definitely going to have to find ways to stay busy for the next few weeks. There's plenty of knitting and work to do, and I'm not one to turn down a nap either. In other good news, my RE said I could run as long as I paid attention to my body and stayed hydrated. I am super hydrated, and so far run/walking is working for me.</p><p>Fingers crossed for rising betas and a growing baby!</p><p>Something that made today great: A visit to Buc-ee's!</p><p>Time I woke up: 7:45 am</p>Kimberly R. Davishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03492932270058951996noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4792121272772745524.post-30684678496229653612022-09-02T21:31:00.002-05:002022-09-02T21:32:21.204-05:00Transfer #3/FET #2 - Beta #1<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Today was a day I had been nervous about since January. It was the would-have-been due date for the baby we would have had if our fresh transfer from December had progressed. When I received my FET calendar and saw that my pregnancy blood test, or beta, was today, I knew the results of the test could make the day more difficult or a little sweeter. I tried to balance the grief from the past (that is sometimes still very much present) with hope for the future.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2-6mw4yrld8lTcPb0agT7bydGo38YVw3vj4AheHO9NA5ibKhZh6zu6GzwdC_wYKz_-U5d8nhijT06t-rBDRXThKCJyt7_ysneTNaU8F-E1MWNa5uz-2r_JMP2LDDZr2mirShNFGwvTXreojfAhEhcpopRbZiM1HCn-IxyJan6debQvtq5fmyq2zno3w/s2031/8B0F2738-A71E-4E94-A414-95EC532FC122.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2031" data-original-width="1832" height="374" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2-6mw4yrld8lTcPb0agT7bydGo38YVw3vj4AheHO9NA5ibKhZh6zu6GzwdC_wYKz_-U5d8nhijT06t-rBDRXThKCJyt7_ysneTNaU8F-E1MWNa5uz-2r_JMP2LDDZr2mirShNFGwvTXreojfAhEhcpopRbZiM1HCn-IxyJan6debQvtq5fmyq2zno3w/w338-h374/8B0F2738-A71E-4E94-A414-95EC532FC122.jpg" width="338" /></a></div><p>I scheduled my appointment for 7:30 am, which is when my clinic opens. They close at noon on Fridays, and they told me I would hear something before they leave. At 9:58 am, my phone rang. It seemed a little early for results (though I learned at my support group last night that the actual running of the test part only takes 18 minutes), but surprisingly, my RE was on the other end. It's always a little awkward when anyone from the clinic calls with an update because I try to play it cool and end up sounding a little like Eeyore. Especially because I know that my RE is the one who calls with bad news, I was caught a little off guard that he was calling. Fortunately, the news was good. </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEib5y2Hs3eAEXhqMqyTZ0--6viwQfHhfF48Dq5_poY_TcoDQ3liif1FC6UDoQBFaSqm-K2CVtNT1D8F_Ip8boTCs9EiwSAprxKogAxSABEb_yC4lkzsUqRfHhKhhphyVH5NWgN6RE7qhSgB8ItpPU2-JCMzE-SL5Pajo_6sGx3B-kcO7uwQFwO7O62haA/s2858/IMG_1680%20Copy.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2734" data-original-width="2858" height="306" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEib5y2Hs3eAEXhqMqyTZ0--6viwQfHhfF48Dq5_poY_TcoDQ3liif1FC6UDoQBFaSqm-K2CVtNT1D8F_Ip8boTCs9EiwSAprxKogAxSABEb_yC4lkzsUqRfHhKhhphyVH5NWgN6RE7qhSgB8ItpPU2-JCMzE-SL5Pajo_6sGx3B-kcO7uwQFwO7O62haA/s320/IMG_1680%20Copy.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Today's beta was 327, which was not a number we ever saw with our first FET and a number we did not see until more than 15 days after the transfer with our fresh transfer. Today is 10 days past transfer, so this is a good thing. Then again, I have to remember that I have seen positive pregnancy tests and had positive betas before, so I have to keep myself and my emotions in check. The next step is to see how fast the beta doubles; I'll go back Tuesday to see what's going on.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">My nerdy brain decided to try to make something cool out of the number (other than, you know, that the transfer worked, at least so far) and I realized that 327 includes the number 3 and 3 cubed (27), and it was our third transfer. So, that was neat! Then, I listened to multiple versions of the Schoolhouse Rock! song "Three is a Magic Number," two of which I have linked below. Please enjoy as you enter the long weekend.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">The original Schoolhouse Rock! version:</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" class="BLOG_video_class" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/J8lRKCw2_Pk" width="320" youtube-src-id="J8lRKCw2_Pk"></iframe></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">The version by Blind Melon on Schoolhouse Rock! Rocks:</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" class="BLOG_video_class" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/LVfe6rdHRKI" width="320" youtube-src-id="LVfe6rdHRKI"></iframe></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">"No Rain," the only other song I know by Blind Melon:</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" class="BLOG_video_class" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/3qVPNONdF58" width="320" youtube-src-id="3qVPNONdF58"></iframe></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Something that made today great: Good beta news!</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />Time I woke up: 7:45 am</div><br /> <p></p>Kimberly R. Davishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03492932270058951996noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4792121272772745524.post-7701702656747459432022-08-30T21:50:00.003-05:002022-08-30T22:18:57.148-05:00IVF Cycle 5 (Catching Up Installment 3 of 3)<p>So much time has passed since my last update that I had to go back and read my last post to know where I left off and what I said. I left off at the egg retrieval on June 21, where we retrieved four eggs. Writing this all now seems a bit anti-climatic compared to building up through blog posts with each update, but I'll try to keep it interesting.</p><p>Early on June 22, the morning after the egg retrieval, the embryologist called to let us know that all four of our retrieved eggs were mature and had fertilized. This was, of course, the best possible scenario, so we were thrilled to get the update. They reminded us that our next update would be after day 6 (June 27), so I expected an update on the morning of June 28. </p><p>On the afternoon of June 27, the embryologist called with an update. Fortunately, I did not have time to remember that the call was coming early; otherwise, I might have started spiraling and assuming everything stopped growing. Instead, she had a very happy update: three of our embryos were graded highly and had been biopsied and frozen. The fourth embryo had arrested (stopped growing), so three was the final update. I try not to put too much weight on embryo grades, but it was nice to hear the good news.</p><p>The next stage was to wait for the genetic testing results to come back. The wait on this part is between one and two weeks, so I was not exactly sure when we would have news. As a refresher, the rule of thumb is that less than half of embryos sent for testing come back normal. In the three cycles where we froze and tested embryos, we'd gone 0/1, 2/3, and 0/1, for an overall of 2/5.</p><p>It turns out the correct answer was July 6. My RE's assistant called to let us know that all three embryos tested normal. My response?</p><p><b>"Holy shit."</b></p><p>Then I quickly regrouped and tried to be professional.</p><p><b>"Well that was really unlikely, but it was definitely what we hoped for." </b></p><p>In the meantime, I had started my next menstrual cycle, so I had already called my RE's office to initiate a transfer cycle. We scheduled the transfer for August 18. As with other IVF things, the first step was to take birth control pills. We later added Lupron shots, and sometime after that, Richard got COVID, and I got COVID five days after that (despite my best effort). Fortunately, the COVID situation only set us back five days instead of requiring us to cancel the cycle. I stayed on the Lupron for five extra days. Next, we added estrogen patches and tablets, stopped the Lupron, and added PIO. Thankfully, our nurse gave us a printed schedule that made it easier to track everything. </p><p>We transferred the embryo last Tuesday (August 23). Our RE said the embryo looked great, and he was excited about the expansion. I did a bogus job preparing my bladder for the transfer. This was a rookie mistake; I should have started drinking sooner. I ended up with a full belly and mostly empty bladder, but fortunately, it wasn't so empty that they had to backfill my bladder. I do not fully understand what backfilling a bladder entails, and I don't think I want to know. What I do know is that I am glad that didn't have to happen. Here's our hopeful future child!</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQzxbfLN2-xb4ehhabOHYWzUPd1XC_KWRvAjGvSdhdGPKQaqhs45WHJN1xbWEiybHnOU8bybKZx1Yq-FkUvPG7IvhkS0BojHzwogB_IjlQ3jntHtmvY5Xj73P8EyH-TvFahvHPUFdcIGJERJzdmQY2LcKgkb5zwDbRy92GnHxmfVI_ADUMZjA-C70l0w/s4032/IMG_1520.HEIC" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3024" data-original-width="4032" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQzxbfLN2-xb4ehhabOHYWzUPd1XC_KWRvAjGvSdhdGPKQaqhs45WHJN1xbWEiybHnOU8bybKZx1Yq-FkUvPG7IvhkS0BojHzwogB_IjlQ3jntHtmvY5Xj73P8EyH-TvFahvHPUFdcIGJERJzdmQY2LcKgkb5zwDbRy92GnHxmfVI_ADUMZjA-C70l0w/w400-h300/IMG_1520.HEIC" width="400" id="id_5375_d0e8_ae86_7e88" style="width: 400px; height: auto;"></a></div><div><br></div>After the excitement of the FET, Richard took me to McDonald's, then I took the rest of the day off work to relax (read: nap) and stay cozy. Rumor has it that embryos like a cozy environment, and since this one is genetically related to me, there could be nothing better than a day of McDonald's, naps, and warm blankets. I took the next few days completely off of exercising but started power walking (30 minutes) on Friday. I'm ready to run, but I'm more ready to have a healthy pregnancy, so I'm holding off. <div><br></div><div>Our first beta (blood draw) is Friday morning, and we are hopeful for better news than ever before. The third time is the charm, as they say (though that was wrong for our third retrieval cycle, so who truly knows?)</div><div><br></div><div>Something that made today great: One of my dissertation participants e-mailed me to let me know he read my dissertation and was impressed! </div><div><br></div><div>Time I woke up: 8:45 am</div><div><div><p><br></p><p><br></p></div></div>Kimberly R. Davishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03492932270058951996noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4792121272772745524.post-47084352764342775572022-08-09T01:04:00.004-05:002022-08-09T01:05:55.115-05:00IVF Cycle 5 (Catching Up Installment 2 of 3)<p> I was surprised to check my blog and see that my last post was just over a month ago. More than ever, the weeks are flying by. I feel like I have not caught my breath in months...whew.</p><p>I left off at the end of May, which was when we heard back from the ERA that I was prereceptive and needed additional progesterone before transferring a frozen embryo. Since we used one of our euploid embryos in the October 2021 FET, we were left with one euploid embryo in the freezer, so we wanted to go for another egg retrieval first. Despite our luck thus far, we still hope for multiple children. Also, it might take more than one to achieve even one live birth. </p><p>Since we'd been in the IVF game for a while, we had to redo a bunch of paperwork and consent forms, which felt weird and like pouring salt in the wounds, but we did not have to rewatch the videos about how IVF works. The cycle began with birth control, as all of the others have thus far. I started the stim shots on June 8, and our protocol was a little different this time. In the past, we did Lupron (10 units) and Follistim (250) in the morning and Lupron (10 units), Follistim (125), and Menopur (150) in the evening. For this cycle, we dropped Lupron entirely and did Follistim (300) and Menopur (150) in the evening for the shots. In addition, I took 100 mg of Clomid and 10 mg of Provera in pill form.</p><p>Our monitoring appointments went like this:</p><p></p><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>June 13 (Day 6 of stims): 2 follicles - 11 mm on the left; 12 mm on the right</li><li>June 15 (Day 8 of stims): 4 follicles - 14 mm, 10 mm, and 10mm on the left; 17 mm on the right</li><li>June 17 (Day 10 of stims): 5 follicles - 16 mm, 17 mm, and 18 mm on the left; 12 mm and 20 mm on the right</li></ul><div>The June 17 monitoring appointment was a tough one. My clinic closes at noon on Friday, so Friday mornings have usually been hectic when we go. A typical appointment involves bloodwork, an ultrasound, and chatting with the nurse. We waited for what felt like a while after my ultrasound, then our RE called us in. (Remember, it's usually not a good thing when the doctor talks to us instead of the nurse.) Based solely on the last year and three months, we knew our number of follicles was not stellar, but there was not much we can do about that except continue to try. </div><div><br /></div><div>Our RE was probably the second saddest we'd ever seen him (second only to when he saw the empty sac on the ultrasound on January 10) and said we were looking at retrieving three or four follicles. Timing the trigger shot properly would be critical to maximizing the retrieval results; he used the metaphor of threading a needle, which sounds pretty precise. I do not remember his exact words that followed in this conversation, but I'm pretty sure he said something about being stubborn and grabbing the bull by the horns...which is a pretty accurate description of my decision-making when it comes to [in]fertility. (Richard tends to use the "roll the dice" metaphor when talking about taking chances with IVF.) I think our RE also tossed out the word "recalcitrant" too, but I'm less certain about how closely I fit that one. Once he had a chance to review my bloodwork, we would decide how many more days I would continue the stims and when we would do the trigger shot.</div><div><br /></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjCe8Gztg6LFVD_EgvW1ytxo-Ek7pFM3iPtAvkREJrz_RHkgPojs1P48I2EPc377T46E5JW2aWSURcEVu9PWizqU2GDOZVmwV9zEMtc-oGDdU0PHa8sMRJie-1CqMan3zHkoZ3Cm6mGFvEy1pxEs-KieR3YwyA5mVdcQPhUl1hmeKBYYF-AmWE2W4PSMg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="250" data-original-width="618" height="161" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjCe8Gztg6LFVD_EgvW1ytxo-Ek7pFM3iPtAvkREJrz_RHkgPojs1P48I2EPc377T46E5JW2aWSURcEVu9PWizqU2GDOZVmwV9zEMtc-oGDdU0PHa8sMRJie-1CqMan3zHkoZ3Cm6mGFvEy1pxEs-KieR3YwyA5mVdcQPhUl1hmeKBYYF-AmWE2W4PSMg=w400-h161" width="400" /></a></div><br />I asked our RE if we would try again if this retrieval didn't go well, and he had a discouraged look on his face but gave me a semi-vague answer about reviewing all of the information and having a conversation about how to move forward. In my last post, I mentioned feeling like one of those inflatable clowns getting punched in the face, but this conversation left me feeling like I'd been punctured. Totally deflated.</div><div><br /></div><div>Richard and I probably went to Whataburger on the way home from the appointment. When the nurse called later, she instructed us to continue the stim shots through the weekend and do the trigger shot on Sunday night for retrieval on Tuesday morning.</div><div><br /></div><div>We spent the weekend in Ruston for Father's Day/my birthday (and had to come back to Baton Rouge a little early on Sunday night because I didn't bring enough Menopur...), but we finished the stims and trigger shots as planned. I went into the retrieval feeling halfway "well, hopefully this will work out" and halfway "well, this is probably going to suck." I said yes to a little extra medication to take the edge off. Then when our RE came to check on us, I even asked him if he was going to break up with us. He seemed a little surprised by the question and initially dodged the question by asking why I was asking. I told him he looked sad at our appointment on Friday, and he said he wasn't going to break up with us, but I might put him in an early grave. Fair enough; I sometimes wonder if all of this is taking years off of my life too.</div><div><br /></div><div>Shortly after confirming that we weren't about to get doctor dumped, they rolled me back for the retrieval. We succeeded at threading the needle; our RE was able to retrieve four eggs. We were happy with that since it was the bigger end of the range our RE gave us.</div><div><br /></div><div>Hopefully it won't take me a month to write the next update...but that will be the final installment including next steps. Ahh!</div><div><br /></div><div>Something that made today great: I cleaned out my office at LSU!</div><p></p>Kimberly R. Davishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03492932270058951996noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4792121272772745524.post-58266418288479279482022-07-07T23:21:00.001-05:002022-07-07T23:21:08.377-05:00Pre-receptive and a Due Date (Catching Up Installment 1 of 3)<p>Richard and I started dating when he was in medical school. Usually, he had class in the morning and would study all afternoon, but some afternoons, he had to go to small group meetings where he would learn about the parts of being a physician that are not necessarily hard science. One example is that they had a small group (perhaps a few, actually) where they learned about how to deliver bad news and difficult diagnoses.</p><p>Most of us never have that kind of training.</p><p>I have been quiet lately partially because life has been a blur <i>(traveling and writing and birthday and egg retrieval and dissertation defense OH MY!)</i> but also because I got pretty worn out with constantly delivering bad news. I have received a lot of affirmation for sharing our infertility story, so I do believe it helps people. However, I was talking with some online friends in an infertility group chat recently, and we started discussing our reasons for being public (or not) about our infertility. Someone asked those of us who had been public if we ever regretted that choice. I said I did not regret it--and I do not--but this conversation was when it finally clicked that this whole experience would have been cleaner and less emotionally draining if we had a clear path from egg retrieval to transfer to baby. Instead, we ended up on the less clear, less direct path...and sharing bad news constantly is exhausting. Repeatedly getting bad news is also exhausting.</p><p>Compounding the effects of receiving and sharing bad news is that people primarily tend to share their good news on social media and keep quiet about the moments that are uncomfortable or unpleasant. There were times when I felt like every pregnancy announcement was like being punched in the face. I recently compared myself to one of those inflatable Bozo Bops that have sand or water in the bottom to weigh them down a bit. You can punch them repeatedly, and they pop back up. After a while, air leaks out little by little, and they eventually stop bouncing back up unless someone comes along to blow them back up. No matter how cute, smart, or wonderful other people's children are, how excited I am for other people's pregnancy announcements, or how grateful I am for most of the circumstances in my life, Richard and I are on a difficult and often lonely path. Sometimes it feels like it would be easier to stay deflated rather than getting blown back up and punched some more. Clearly, we have chosen to keep getting punched, and we hope that will pay off eventually.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgy2A1JSJlxZNWQB_K3tERZPNxpYRPeuyFRZTEgwm1kD_qtnAD95xK9vH_EGd7k-LatRxvjVbXsSl8hpjSBGub_BEAeauHF__t97FUZwu5xXKp3nFVhZaMX7zcSIOnNyCm5NMvS0O7JjYjlrsAPBHCpznUqhBvqCijpX7frx4WF9--dHlM1bFv9Alzh-g/s716/Bozo%20Bop.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="716" data-original-width="385" height="465" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgy2A1JSJlxZNWQB_K3tERZPNxpYRPeuyFRZTEgwm1kD_qtnAD95xK9vH_EGd7k-LatRxvjVbXsSl8hpjSBGub_BEAeauHF__t97FUZwu5xXKp3nFVhZaMX7zcSIOnNyCm5NMvS0O7JjYjlrsAPBHCpznUqhBvqCijpX7frx4WF9--dHlM1bFv9Alzh-g/w250-h465/Bozo%20Bop.jpg" width="250" /></a></div><br /><p>After the blighted ovum miscarriage in January, Richard and I decided we needed to take a break from fertility treatments. The arbitrary deal I made with myself is that we would not pursue any treatments until I scheduled my dissertation defense, and I mostly stuck to that deal. In May, we did the endometrial receptiva analysis (ERA) to see if I needed a different amount of progesterone before a frozen embryo transfer. This involved taking estrogen tablets and progesterone shots, then my doctor took a biopsy of my uterine lining. We had the procedure on May 20, and it was about as delightful as it sounds. Fortunately, it was quick. What was more painful than the biopsy was seeing "1-2 miscarriages" checked on the form as the reason for the procedure. Even though I knew that was the reason, seeing it on a medical form made it feel more "real." It's tough to explain.</p><p>I scheduled my dissertation defense date (June 24) on May 19, so we told our doctor at the ERA that we were ready to try to bank some more embryos as soon as possible. He said he would review our file and see if there was anything else we should check out. We were able to move forward with the IVF cycle in June. Since I have several updates, I am going to break them up across three posts. I am not sure how far apart they will be, but I will share about IVF Cycle #5 in my next post and next steps in a third post...so stay tuned. </p><p>The ERA results came back after about a week and a half. I am what they call "prereceptive," meaning I need additional progesterone before transferring a frozen embryo. I was actually kind of relieved to know that there was a problem we can do something about. Knowledge is power, after all. We do not know for sure that being prereceptive caused the chemical pregnancy after we transferred a euploid frozen embryo in October, but it is possible.</p><p>Speaking of the chemical pregnancy, today was the due date for the frozen embryo that we transferred in October. Seeing all of the babies that have been conceived and born since we started trying to conceive in 2018 is difficult, but up until this point they've been hypotheticals. "If I'd gotten pregnant in ___, we'd have a ___ year-old now." Although the pregnancy was short-lived, it was very real, and I'm apprehensive about how it is going to be to watch the babies born this month grow. This will repeat in September when the fresh embryo we transferred in December would have been due, and I imagine it will repeat for years and years to come. The due date calculator says we would meet our baby today, but that was not the case (and hopefully will not be the case - I have stuff to do before I die!)</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkhNrQUVGAjgsPSiLxuk2z1uyIUMhU6AtfL96px54L-bY0ZyK29Vu7_aq8uUrPIBsqNW7ERD99QoteTYeymBcoLWTHIm2Kxj8sEAUcXuyje7jEjvQMC8qaLciw_-UCap9XkdvddeQMp3FqURProlvzoNJCgXJYETvXov1yJrbZkiERPxyvviTfo6iUBA/s2688/IMG_1006.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2688" data-original-width="1242" height="573" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkhNrQUVGAjgsPSiLxuk2z1uyIUMhU6AtfL96px54L-bY0ZyK29Vu7_aq8uUrPIBsqNW7ERD99QoteTYeymBcoLWTHIm2Kxj8sEAUcXuyje7jEjvQMC8qaLciw_-UCap9XkdvddeQMp3FqURProlvzoNJCgXJYETvXov1yJrbZkiERPxyvviTfo6iUBA/w265-h573/IMG_1006.PNG" width="265" /></a></div><br /><p>As I mentioned, this is the first of three installments of updates. Spoiler alert: I am not pregnant. But maybe before the end of the year?</p><p>Something that made today great: Sarah's Laughter infertility support group!</p><p>Time I woke up: 6:50 am</p>Kimberly R. Davishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03492932270058951996noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4792121272772745524.post-29538644759230831092022-05-02T22:50:00.028-05:002022-05-03T16:43:28.384-05:00The Financial Side of [In]Fertility<p>One of my goals for National Infertility Awareness Week was to make a transparent post about the financial commitment that comes along with the other highs and lows of infertility. I'm a few days after when I said I'd post this, but fortunately I don't answer to advertisers or sponsors on this little blog. One reason for my tardiness is that I've been busy busy with lots of other stuff, but another piece is that talking about money can be extremely awkward and uncomfortable. I haven't quite reached the point of "getting comfortable being uncomfortable," but maybe I will be there someday. I have said before that as difficult as IVF and other fertility treatments have been, I am at least grateful that we have been able to swing them financially. Not everyone has the chance to try once or twice, much less...at least five times? Plus three IUIs?...but we have. So, I try to appreciate that. However, others also remind me that it's okay to be grateful for the opportunity and detest needing it all at once.</p><p>On the day of <a href="http://www.storiesinmyskin.com/2020/04/day-310-niaw-day-2.html">the great spicy chicken sandwich incident</a> in December 2019, over a year before we met our RE, one of my sisters-in-law mentioned that there are lots of options to help people get pregnant. My immediate response was, "But they're so expensive," and my sister-in-law Maryanne said, "But you have money." </p><p><b>But you have money.</b></p><p>When framed that way, the solution seems so simple. And really, problems that you can fix with money are easier than many other problems. It turns out that infertility isn't a problem that is necessarily fixed with money, but money can certainly solve the problem of access to fertility treatments. Richard and I are fortunate that we can both work, and he earns more money than a lot of people do, but we also have considerable debt for his training. While we were fortunate that we could financially swing fertility treatments, it is incredibly frustrating that we're paying so much to achieve what some people achieve for free (and sometimes on accident!), and we haven't crossed the finish line. But, we remain hopeful. </p><p>Anyway, I've thought for a while about how to broach this topic and have not arrived at what I felt was a perfect solution. So, forgive me for any missteps in disclosing this information. My intention is 100% to spread awareness to what [in]fertility treatments can cost and not to flaunt my financial circumstances. If it helps, my car is 17 years old. </p><p>To get started, here are a few things to know:</p><p></p><ol style="text-align: left;"><li>Our insurance does not cover anything related to [in]fertility.</li><li>Our insurance DOES give us a totally fair price for the therapist that I see largely due to needing assistance coping with infertility and the emotional roller coaster that comes along with that journey. I am grateful for this.</li><li>I do have records of all fertility-related expenses we've paid since 2019, but I'm focusing on 2021 because that's where the bulk of the money has gone, and I already have that information in a spreadsheet thanks to filing our taxes recently.</li></ol><div>I mentioned last week that we itemized our taxes for 2021, which was a first for us. I used H&R Block, and the software gave me a message along the lines of, "To deduct your medical expenses, they must be more than 7.5% of your adjusted gross income (AGI) and paid by you out of pocket - not reimbursed by insurance." Then, it says, "Since your entries show your AGI is $X, your expenses must be more than $Y. Are your out of pocket expenses more than or close to $Y?" I actually laughed, took a photo of my computer screen, and texted it to Richard. If only our medical expenses had been $Y! Yes, $Y is more than I expected to spend attempting to get pregnant and birth a live baby, but it's way less than what we spent in 2021.</div><div><br /></div><div>The final amount we deducted was $81,002.82. Not all of that was [in]fertility-related, but most of it was. What's the breakdown? Good news, I've got that too.</div><div><br /></div><div><b>IVF Cycle 1</b></div><div>The first IVF cycle (March 2021) was the most expensive because we purchased 14 days worth of medications for stims. I tend to be on the shorter side of stims, which has caused some issues but has saved us a little money over time. </div><div><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>Eluryng (birth control ring not covered by my insurance through Richard's hospital): $123.60</li><li>Clinic Procedures (ultrasounds, bloodwork, physician costs, retrieval): $6,648.00</li><li>Laboratory Procedures (preparing the sperm sample, fertilizing the eggs, monitoring the embryos, doing a biopsy of the embryos that make it to testing, freezing the embryos): $5,844.80</li><li>Anesthesia (for the egg retrieval): $525.00</li><li>Specialty medications (not covered by insurance): $6,674.29</li><li>Pain management meds (covered by insurance): $5.11</li><li>Genetic testing of 1 embryo: $475.00</li></ul><div>Total for IVF Cycle 1: $20,295.80</div></div><div><br /></div><div>Long-time readers might recall that we only stimmed for 7 days this cycle, and our RE gave us the option to convert to IUI rather than going for the retrieval. By skipping the retrieval, we could save the costs of anesthesia, some of the clinic procedures, the laboratory procedures, and the genetic testing. However, we'd be out the clinic costs plus about half of the meds, which would be roughly $10,000. We went forward with the retrieval and ended up with one embryo that tested highly aneuploid.</div><div><br /></div><div><b>IVF Cycle 2</b></div><p></p><div>We jumped straight into IVF Cycle 2. We had some medications leftover, which meant this cycle was about 20% cheaper than the first one.</div><div><ul><li>Birth control pills (not covered by my insurance through Richard's hospital): $25.15</li><li>Clinic Procedures (ultrasounds, bloodwork, physician costs, retrieval): $6,648.00</li><li>Laboratory Procedures (preparing the sperm sample, fertilizing the eggs, monitoring the embryos, doing a biopsy of the embryos that make it to testing, freezing the embryos): $5,844.80</li><li>Anesthesia (for the egg retrieval): $525.00</li><li>Specialty medications (not covered by insurance): $1,981.49</li><li>Medicine to make my ovaries chill out because my estrogen was high at the retrieval (covered by insurance): $15.00</li><li>Genetic testing of 3 embryos: $1,025.00</li></ul><div>Total for IVF Cycle 2: $16,064.44</div></div><div><br /></div><div>Two embryos came back euploid, and one was highly aneuploid. With that, we headed into a third IVF cycle. </div><div><b><br /></b></div><div><b>IVF Cycle 3</b></div><div><br /></div><div>Knowing we would like 2-3 children and feeling excited about the better results from the second cycle, we felt optimistic about going for another round. We had to buy more medications than the second cycle but still not as many as the first cycle.</div><div><div><ul><li>Clinic Procedures (ultrasounds, bloodwork, physician costs, retrieval): $6,648.00</li><li>Laboratory Procedures (preparing the sperm sample, fertilizing the eggs, monitoring the embryos, doing a biopsy of the embryos that make it to testing, freezing the embryos): $5,844.80</li><li>Anesthesia (for the egg retrieval): $525.00</li><li>Specialty medications (not covered by insurance): $4,835.38</li><li>Pain management meds (covered by insurance): $5.13</li><li>Genetic testing of 1 embryo: $475.00</li></ul><div>Total for IVF Cycle 3: $18,328.18</div></div></div><div><br /></div><div>Out of six mature and fertilized eggs, one made it to be genetically tested, and it came back highly aneuploid.</div><div><br /></div><div><b>IUI Interlude</b></div><div>The news that we didn't have any euploid embryos from our third cycle really crushed me. Noting that we had two euploid embryos in the freezer and wanted 2-3 children, our RE suggested trying IUI to see if we could achieve a pregnancy that way. We agreed and did three IUIs (the maximum he would do) over the summer. None of them worked, but it sure would have been cool if they did. All three of our IUIs were the same cost:</div><div><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>Clinic procedures (ultrasounds, bloodwork, physician costs): $1,144.00</li><li>Laboratory procedures (preparing the sample for insemination): $208.00</li><li>Clomid (covered by insurance): $34.92</li></ul><div>Total per IUI: $1,386.92</div></div><div><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>Trigger shot (only used for IUI #3): $133.90</li></ul></div><div>Total spent on 3 IUIs: $4,294.66</div><div><br /></div><div><b>FET 1</b></div><div>After the IUIs were a bust, it was time to put one of our frozen embryos to work. In September, we started a frozen embryo transfer (FET) cycle. The expenses are a little different for these.</div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>Clinic Procedures (ultrasounds, bloodwork, physician costs): $2,288.00</li><li>Laboratory Procedures (thawing and culturing the embryo): $1,144.00</li><li>Specialty medications (not covered by insurance): $709.70</li><li>Non-specialty medications (estradiol tablets and patches, methylprednisone, etc.): $64.65</li></ul><div style="text-align: left;">Total for FET 1: $4,206.35</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><div><b>IVF Cycle 4</b></div><p></p><div>After the FET ended with a chemical pregnancy, we were back to retrievals. The discrepancy in amounts here is testament to how at some point we were just like, "Here's my credit card for whatever you tell me I'm supposed to pay because I don't really have another option but to say yes to that amount if I want to hopefully have biological children or, you know, at least the chance at biological children." According to my records, I only ("only") paid $5,608 in clinic procedures this cycle. I might've paid an additional $840 some other time, but I don't have the receipt. My clinic says I don't owe a balance, and I'm good with that.</div><div><br /></div><div>This cycle ended a little differently because we did a fresh transfer and didn't have any embryos to freeze or test. We actually have a credit of $701.19 with our RE's office that we can use for a future cycle, BUT here's what we paid. The birth control ring cost $0 through my insurance with Penn State.</div><div><ul><li>Clinic Procedures (ultrasounds, bloodwork, physician costs, retrieval): $5,608.00</li><li>Laboratory Procedures (preparing the sperm sample, fertilizing the eggs, monitoring the embryos, doing a biopsy of the embryos that make it to testing, freezing the embryos): $5,844.80</li><li>Anesthesia (for the egg retrieval): $525.00</li><li>Specialty medications (not covered by insurance): $3,723.68</li><li>More PIO after our embryo transfer appeared to work, and my body was producing HCG (the pregnancy hormone): $159.80</li></ul><div>Total for IVF Cycle 4: $15,861.28 ($15,160.09 if you take out the $701.19 credit.)</div></div><div><br /></div><div><b>Other Stuff</b></div><div>I've talked about embryos in the freezer. Well, they don't get to chill (pun intended) in the freezer for free. After 6 months, we started paying rent on those babies (pun not intended...is this even a pun when you're talking about embryos?) Starting in September, we paid $41.67 per month for the safe storage of our embryos. </div><div><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>Richard's semen analysis in February: $156.00</li><li>Embryo storage ($41.67 x 4): $166.68</li><li>Therapy ($25 per session, but I eventually hit the deductible, which was cool): $725.00</li></ul><div>Total other stuff: $1,047.68</div></div><div><br /></div><div>In total, we paid $80,098.39 out of pocket for medical expenses related to infertility last year. That's about what Richard and I earned in combined income when he was in residency and I was working in residence life at Centenary. </div><div><br /></div><div>Again, talking about money is awkward. Richard and I have chosen to spend money in this way at this point in our lives because it aligns with our current priorities, and we are so, so fortunate that we are able to make that choice. Some employers and insurance plans offer coverage toward fertility treatments, so not everyone who walks this road makes the same financial commitments we have. Prices also vary from clinic to clinic, but I have not really explored other options because we have been satisfied with our care.</div><div><br /></div><div>I didn't think I had a great photo for this post, but then I found this screenshot of an e-mail from American Express that I got last May after we spent $50,000 on my card. Previously, I hadn't spent more than $25,000 on it in a year, so this was quite the achievement. (Actually, it made me a little sick.)</div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhX10Z18twBbEckR-SDOVKvitG3yOP0BRyTXAr4ZUDGxeRmakeZMZmPjHpRc4ZsaoxX0hBron5DfwlJCcZO9FwvZp_pyQ0U1pJ0GlFaMEVFl8apw2IkBTVI15inm31FyyvhgpYZO2EFSlzIfuoo0lksFhI5KCt25FuQgoAWtnD76D-P7at6CrAAuPC4Aw/s1225/00CBF1F7-7B7C-4BE0-826C-3EEE32EEA50F.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1225" data-original-width="1225" height="400" id="id_147b_b6d7_1ee8_113c" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhX10Z18twBbEckR-SDOVKvitG3yOP0BRyTXAr4ZUDGxeRmakeZMZmPjHpRc4ZsaoxX0hBron5DfwlJCcZO9FwvZp_pyQ0U1pJ0GlFaMEVFl8apw2IkBTVI15inm31FyyvhgpYZO2EFSlzIfuoo0lksFhI5KCt25FuQgoAWtnD76D-P7at6CrAAuPC4Aw/w400-h400/00CBF1F7-7B7C-4BE0-826C-3EEE32EEA50F.jpg" style="height: auto; width: 400px;" width="400" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div>Something that made today great: We celebrated the BRYC seniors tonight, which was so much fun!</div><div>Time I woke up: 9:15 am</div><span></span><div><br /></div></div></div></div><p></p>Kimberly R. Davishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03492932270058951996noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4792121272772745524.post-33232513527924222022022-04-27T23:13:00.007-05:002022-04-27T23:31:31.299-05:003.5 Months Later (NIAW 2022 Post 1)<p> If I were in an episode of SpongeBob SquarePants or perhaps an old movie, the screen would flash "3.5 months later..." for a few seconds, and then we'd be right here. I posted on Facebook that it's National Infertility Awareness Week again, and I'm still infertile, but it is actually a good time to reestablish a non-academic writing routine.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">I've thought about writing this post or any blog post for a while. After the miscarriage (which is what happened after my last post), I put as much of myself as I possibly could into working, writing my dissertation, and doing anything but remember that we're still living the nightmare that is infertility. I have been to three conferences in three states, caught up with old friends, made new friends, and picked up running again. I guess it's easy to fill up 3.5 months.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">The day after our ultrasound appointment at the fertility clinic, I headed east to Georgia to stay with my mom while she had knee surgery. The day after that, she had her knee surgery, and I started the miscarriage. I've thought about how to write about it, but I don't really know how to put it. Compared to the intense stories I've read about other people, this one was about as "standard" and "mild" as possible...whatever consolation that is. Regardless, lying alone in my high school bedroom cramped up and bleeding on a cold January day was traumatic and unwelcome after everything we'd been through in 2021 and the three years before that. Actually, I can't think of any time I'd welcome that.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">My marathoner spirit (also known as endurance) carries over to other areas of my life, especially the part where I tend to keep moving forward even if everything sucks and my whole body hurts. Richard, who has been the most amazing husband and support system through everything, finally spoke up and said he thought we needed a break from fertility treatments for our mental health if nothing else. Largely out of my somewhat irrational (but also largely rational) fear that I'm going to run out of eggs, I resisted at first but ended up agreeing. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><i>So, that's where we are right now. </i></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">I told myself I wouldn't use any ovulation predictor kits or pursue fertility treatments until I scheduled my dissertation defense. So far, I've been true to my word, though my therapist reminds me that I'm allowed to break the deals I make with myself. I'm getting closer to scheduling my dissertation defense and am seriously considering doing the endometrial receptiva analysis (ERA -- the one where we do all of the stuff involved with a frozen embryo transfer except for transfer a frozen embryo) next month and look to another retrieval in the summer. We'll see.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">I worried about March rolling around because that marked four years since we started trying to conceive. I joked last year that my infertility could have a bachelor's degree, but four years into this, I'm thinking some institution needs to go ahead and confer that. It's been a long road. Although I knew that IVF was exhausting, I hadn't realized how much I was worn out by the roller coaster of emotions; every time something seemed promising, we got worse news. Also, we had so many appointments! I itemized our taxes this year (get excited for a full financial disclosure on Friday), and my conservative estimate for mileage was that we made 45 trips (19 miles round trip) to Woman's Hospital. Similar to the miscarriage, I know other people have it way worse and don't have their fertility clinic in their hometown, but also...that's a lot of trips and time to have the outcome we had. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">The break has been good for both of us, and Richard has said he's ready to start again whenever I am. So, that's a good thing. One thing I have seen and heard about is how infertility can wreck or solidify a marriage, and I've been fortunate that we ended up on the "solidify" side of that situation. I blame our [in]fertility issues on myself because I have the low egg reserve, but Richard always frames them as "our" issues and never blames me. Sometimes I think about how he could've had a big family with someone else but got me instead, but I try not to think about that too much. When I was crying alone in my high school bedroom, I remembered times when I cried in the very same bed because of some dumb boy who didn't treat me well or didn't like me. Back in those days, I hoped so hard that I would find and marry someone who loved me unconditionally and treated me well, and I got that. Sometimes I take it for granted.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">So, another thing I've worked on is nurturing my marriage and spending time with Richard. I guess it doesn't sound like he's been a priority between work and traveling, but we've had some good quality time together. Sometimes it's a quick dinner between when he wakes his up and when he leaves to work the night shift, but we've also made some little trips. We also tried our hand at tandem biking; it went great when he was in the front (in control) and was a disaster when I was in front. He didn't like it when I said I wasn't used to having an extra 250 pounds on the back of my bike. Here are some selfies of us at Lake Livingston a few weeks ago. You can't see in the photo, but I'm wearing a sweet tank top with a fish on it.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgiNs2g45WAV-9HVOVt9m7z9-xBeyD_RcuC0_wgLU18ECEutiKNdJw_ysEafXqrj73Id0lv3gqiM94rz0MEmtWkBWMuHIRqu2vKc30WuPQxKJw3d4L6_xN1pYg0RzLGkM-J7gTmfuFfXiYMBMDVxtA0ya80vaT-V6tV7AUA_LQYrUxoGl5l8cgWRnuhmg/s1800/IMG_9811.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Three selfies of a white man and white woman: 1- both smiling, 2- man making a funny face, woman smiling, 3- both making a silly face" border="0" data-original-height="1011" data-original-width="1800" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgiNs2g45WAV-9HVOVt9m7z9-xBeyD_RcuC0_wgLU18ECEutiKNdJw_ysEafXqrj73Id0lv3gqiM94rz0MEmtWkBWMuHIRqu2vKc30WuPQxKJw3d4L6_xN1pYg0RzLGkM-J7gTmfuFfXiYMBMDVxtA0ya80vaT-V6tV7AUA_LQYrUxoGl5l8cgWRnuhmg/w400-h225/IMG_9811.JPG" title="Selfies! I missed the "make a silly face" memo at first." width="400" /></a></div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Something that made today great: My check engine light was on, but it was due to a loose gas cap and not an actual engine problem!</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Time I woke up: 6:50 am</div><br /><p></p>Kimberly R. Davishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03492932270058951996noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4792121272772745524.post-35599337513181815072022-01-10T21:06:00.004-06:002022-01-10T23:52:20.136-06:00Fresh Embryo Transfer 1 - 26dp5dt<p>There's a lot of collaboration that occurs within academia, and this allows people to publish in some highly specific stuff related to their research. Sometimes, for example, editors of an upcoming book will put out a call for proposals for chapters related to a specific topic. This also occurs in scholarly journals; if a topic draws enough interest or relevance in the field, journals will seek submissions for articles to include in a special issue. In fact, some colleagues and I recently had a proposal accepted for a special issue of a journal, which was exciting!</p><p>What is less exciting is that today I learned I could author a chapter or article about several ways to have rising HCG without the possibility of a baby in 9 months. The first was in October/November when I had the chemical pregnancy: a little HCG, but not enough. The second was today.</p><p>This morning, we were scheduled for an 8:30 ultrasound to check on the status of the pregnancy that had followed from our fresh embryo transfer. By now, I'm a pro at taking off my pants and getting into the stirrups. When my doctor came in, he asked if I had any cramping, nausea, or bleeding, and I responded "no" to all three but said I'd been thirsty and been grazing a lot. He seemed happy to hear that and got to work with the ultrasound wand. </p><p>I'm familiar enough with the ultrasound routine--and my doctor is familiar enough with a uterus--that I know when things are going well, the ultrasound operator finds what they're looking for pretty quickly. I moved my eyes back and forth between the ultrasound screen and my doctor's eyes, and he said a few times, "I don't like what I'm seeing." After a discussion board conversation with an internet stranger yesterday (0/10 do not recommend), I'd started to worry that my slow-rising HCG meant the pregnancy was ectopic--that is, implanted somewhere other than the uterus, often the fallopian tubes. </p><p>"It's in my uterus, though...right?" I asked.<br>"Yeah, it's in the uterus," he said.<br>"Well, that settles one of my worries."<br>"Worried about ectopic?"<br>"Yeah."<br>"I'm thinking blighted ovum." </p><p><b>Blighted ovum?</b></p><p>I'd read a little about what a blighted ovum is because that is another thing that low/slow rising HCG could indicate. It's also known as an anembryonic pregnancy, and if you break down the term with "an" meaning "lacking" or "without," it's exactly what it sounds like: a pregnancy without an embryo. I didn't think much about the possibility of it happening to me until this morning when my doctor said he suspected it was happening to me. Then, my inner dialogue (skip a few lines if you're not one for colorful language) kicked in.</p><p><b>How the FUCK is there a pregnancy without an embryo when we all saw you put the embryo in?</b></p><p>I'm still unclear on the answer to that question, but what I have learned is that it's pretty common. According to the <a href="https://americanpregnancy.org/healthy-pregnancy/pregnancy-complications/blighted-ovum/">American Pregnancy Association</a>, about 50% of first trimester miscarriages are due to a blighted ovum. Sometimes a blighted ovum can be a misdiagnosis if someone believes they are later in the pregnancy than they actually are (they ovulated/conceived later than they realized), but that does not happen in the case of IVF.</p><p>My RE took a few pictures of the little gestational sack and told Richard and me that he didn't think things were looking good; it appeared to be an abnormal pregnancy. I could tell he was upset by this development (or lack thereof) too. I guess this doesn't get easier even if it's your job and you do it every day. </p><p>He said we could do bloodwork to check HCG, and he gave us an overview of the options. We could see what my body did on its own, I could take medication to end the pregnancy, or I could have a surgical procedure called a dilation and curettage (D&C) to remove the tissue from my uterus. We opted to take the bloodwork and see what it said before making a decision. A bonus (if you can call it that) of the D&C is that the tissue could be sent off for testing to get an idea of what went wrong. The downside (which is a big one) is that it sounds really traumatic. In reality, I'd probably get used to it in the same way that I got used to the stomach injections before retrievals and the PIO shots before and after transfers, but I am hoping to avoid that path. </p><p>When my RE called this afternoon (remember that he calls when the news is bad), he told me that my HCG had risen to 2429, which is still rising but lower than he would expect at this point. (Yeah yeah, heard that one before.) He also said he did not expect this to be a viable pregnancy but gave me four options:</p><p></p><ol style="text-align: left;"><li>Wait a week and come back for another ultrasound.</li><li>Discontinue my medications (PIO and estradiol) and see what happens.</li><li>Take the pills to end the pregnancy.</li><li>Schedule a D&C.</li></ol><div>Richard was asleep, so I told my RE that I would text him after I had a chance to talk to Richard. Richard felt that it would be best to skip our shot tonight, so I took that to mean we were going with option 2. I had sort of been leaning toward option 1 but also knew that it could be delaying the inevitable. A downside of option 1 for someone who's having unpleasant pregnancy symptoms (vomiting, nausea, etc.) is that HCG can continue to rise and those symptoms will persist in the presence of a blighted ovum. In my case, I'd only be dealing with thirst and eating more frequently. Nothing major. It seemed like option 1 would give us the best chance at a miracle. Option 2 still leaves the door open for a miracle to happen, but it allows the miscarriage to follow if that is what needs to occur.</div><div><br></div><div>I guess maybe I should've held onto my pregnancy impostor status until we saw an embryo in the gestational sack. Then again, a blighted ovum is still a pregnancy loss. The fact that it is a pregnancy loss implies that there had to be a pregnancy to lose, so I guess I wasn't really a pregnancy impostor either. </div><div><br></div><div>I cried almost all day. I've been nursing a [non-COVID] cold for almost a week, and I'm still having a hard time breathing quietly, especially when I am lying down. I tried to work, and I tried to sleep, but all I could do was cry. When I did attempt to sleep, I woke Richard up with my sniffling and heavy breathing. Regardless of how unpleasant today was, I will say that this is not nearly as bad as the last time I miscarried or even when we had no normal embryos after our third IVF cycle. I don't feel as if someone is holding me against a wall by the throat, and I don't want to crawl into a hole. Maybe I am getting tougher or at least getting used to dealing with this type of news.</div><div><br><b>Ugh.</b></div><p></p><p>Don't get me wrong, I'm still completely heartbroken. This time around, though, I feel more confident moving forward. In the same way that pregnancies are all different, I know that miscarriages can vary too. Provided that my body figures out what to do, I should be able to avoid the pills and the D&C. I want to start healing. Healing might involve taking a break for a bit. I desperately miss running and am going to pick that back up as I navigate this wave of grief. My best friend reminded me today that God doesn't give us more than we can handle, and it's true...but I kind of wish I couldn't handle this so God wouldn't give it to me. </p><p>When I first opened up about our [in]fertility struggles, I said I wanted to help educate others and end the stigma that surrounds infertility. I think I've done a good job being open about my personal experience, but I want to speak to the stigma for a moment. Specifically, I want to say that Richard and I are by no means the only people in your social circles that this is happening to. I've shared before that <b>1 in 8 </b>couples experiences infertility, but <b>1 in every 4 pregnancies</b> ends in miscarriage. This is really unfortunate, and I hate counting myself among either of these groups, but here's what I hope that anyone reading this can recognize: in the sea of social media posts of baby announcements, ultrasounds, gender reveals, births, and children's milestones, people you know and love are suffering the same fate I am. Maybe they aren't going through IVF (or maybe they are and aren't talking about it), and maybe they haven't said they are trying for children (or maybe they weren't trying but got pregnant anyway and started to feel excited), but there are people who are suffering alone and/or in silence because they feel like they can't talk about it. Maybe they think they did something wrong or that the miscarriage was their fault. I'm really angry about my current situation, but I have an incredible support system because I refuse to be silent. However, not everyone is able to be a loudmouth like I am. We must break down the walls that we use to put people and couples into little boxes with inaccurate notions of what families, motherhood, and pregnancy look like. This is too painful for people to face alone, but that's exactly what is happening. </p><p>Several people have asked how they can support me, and there's not much that can be said or done for me at this point. What you can do is make an effort this week to end the stigma. That can come in many forms, including taking a few minutes to read up on infertility or pregnancy loss. (And if you find a good resource, don't be afraid to send it my way!)</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEh4C_H2YxrBwyNz5I6el2RzNFB0kBOnyYOfbj3Of1V0qzOHNNvElOiYUq966evqvPwJs22CNqLFsfeI4GKm8AdwB4ZQb1eA6W58bbsaT8MqaMITbebs3RnMGPMB39bBymNzo9oHjhc__99YEF6ArUNFLo5nVRAfeKYVmIpOrdBooD7gRy04QA2oHRu3yg=s3642" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3642" data-original-width="2740" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEh4C_H2YxrBwyNz5I6el2RzNFB0kBOnyYOfbj3Of1V0qzOHNNvElOiYUq966evqvPwJs22CNqLFsfeI4GKm8AdwB4ZQb1eA6W58bbsaT8MqaMITbebs3RnMGPMB39bBymNzo9oHjhc__99YEF6ArUNFLo5nVRAfeKYVmIpOrdBooD7gRy04QA2oHRu3yg=w301-h400" width="301" id="id_98e8_e682_70d0_3bb2" style="width: 301px; height: auto;"></a></div><br><p><br></p><p>Something that made today great: The COVID test I took on Saturday came back negative.</p><p>Time I woke up: 7:15 am</p>Kimberly R. Davishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03492932270058951996noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4792121272772745524.post-9802023512562987412022-01-03T22:50:00.003-06:002022-01-04T18:26:18.103-06:00Fresh Embryo Transfer 1 - 19dp5dtA while ago, I told my therapist that I thought infertility would just be the beginning of worrying for the rest of my life. If we ever made it to the next step in the [in]fertility process--which sometimes it felt like we would never get there--I wondered if I would ever be able to settle in and get comfortable. As it turns out, early pregnancy comes with a different set of questions and uncertainty. I guess that's life; there are many things to celebrate and numerous ways to find joy, but there are also a lot of things to worry about. The challenge then becomes to focus on the joy, especially when the things we worry about are beyond our control. (Easier said than done.)<div><br></div><div>The great news in all of this is that as of my blood test this morning, I am not only still pregnant, but my HCG levels are rising. Since Thursday's appointment, we saw an increase from 272 to 603, which is an average increase of 48% per day and a doubling time of 83.6 hours. Most of what I am reading says that doubling time may slow to about 96 hours after HCG is over 1200, but one said that the slowing happens around six weeks of pregnancy. I guess in many situations, HCG is over 1200 by six weeks of pregnancy, <span style="caret-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); font-family: Georgia, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13.8125px; word-spacing: 1.041062831878662px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.25); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">but I'm allowing myself to believe that at 5.5 weeks pregnant, mine could be slowing because I'm almost to the sixth week. </span></div><div><br></div><div>What I really need to allow myself to do is get off of Google. I am also going to limit my home pregnancy testing. It'd be super cool if I had enough self-control to test every 72 hours at a minimum, but I'm thinking 48 hours is about the best I'll be able to do. Maybe I will surprise myself, though.</div><div><br></div><div>The next step is to come in for an ultrasound next Monday morning at 8:30 am. We should be able to see where our embryo implanted and see a gestational sack. We might see a yolk sack. At six weeks, the baby is about the size of a pea, so hopefully we'll see that. It is also possible that there will be a heartbeat, and we will get to hear it! With our current numbers, it is difficult to say. In some normal pregnancies, a six-week ultrasound is too early for a heartbeat. Thus, I'm not really sure what to expect on Monday, but I remain hopeful that I'll still be pregnant and that our little baby will be growing.</div><div><br></div><div>I'm not sure if I'll post anything between now and then or not. So far, I don't have many pregnancy symptoms beyond drinking more water than usual and grazing/snacking throughout the day, but if something changes, I might be inspired to post. The internet is telling me that I'm approaching the point where morning sickness starts for many people, so I could have great tales of morning sickness to share before Monday. I simultaneously do and do not want to have morning sickness, but I'd definitely take the morning sickness if it meant our pregnancy stayed viable.</div><div><br></div><div>Please continue to pray for us and for our little embryo! </div><div><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgGKd4HiVk0HQ72wUtpHNKXGi6l-wpVv7_xnSD-sD_TW5jwz3-tlYB4eplkzzcSDw6yO1qRLr-mBKZfr4KXe4VHaoH_EOkFl1hej8Led-zbE9qLE_gapnFvKe6hN_Y01dEozm_gtFlHyWkV5H-8lkDM8M7L2rNh51kiUvnz8WaXWHNVsRY3VDbjSAQWbg=s2891" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2891" data-original-width="2891" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgGKd4HiVk0HQ72wUtpHNKXGi6l-wpVv7_xnSD-sD_TW5jwz3-tlYB4eplkzzcSDw6yO1qRLr-mBKZfr4KXe4VHaoH_EOkFl1hej8Led-zbE9qLE_gapnFvKe6hN_Y01dEozm_gtFlHyWkV5H-8lkDM8M7L2rNh51kiUvnz8WaXWHNVsRY3VDbjSAQWbg=w400-h400" width="400" id="id_ab10_5328_9b32_487b" style="width: 400px; height: auto;"></a></div><br><div>Something that made today great: Watching The Wonder Years at home with Richard (because he's off work tonight!)</div><div>Time I woke up: 7:00 am</div>Kimberly R. Davishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03492932270058951996noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4792121272772745524.post-51692509336256975882021-12-31T22:55:00.001-06:002021-12-31T22:56:50.082-06:00Fresh Embryo Transfer 1 - 15dp5dt (a day late)<p>Yesterday was day 15 since our transfer of a five-day-old embryo, and it was our third round of betas for this cycle. I was cautiously optimistic after the beta was 38 at 7dp5dt, then I was a bit nervous when it was 151 at 13dp5dt, meaning it was doubling every 72.34 hours (whereas the expected doubling time was 48-72 hours). My doctor brought me back 48 hours after my last blood test (that is, yesterday morning) to check how things were progressing. Before I headed to the hospital, I took a home test when I first woke up--in trying to conceive (TTC) world, that's known as first morning urine, or FMU)--and it was still positive. I promised myself I would not look at my patient portal until at least 1:30 pm, and I stuck to that.</p><p>As it turns out, my watch has a stress feature. When I checked a few times yesterday morning, I was hanging out in the medium- and high-stress zones. My watch also has a feature that will walk me through breathing exercises (inhale, hold, exhale, hold, repeat...) so I did a few of those to try to stay cool, calm, and collected. It sort of worked.</p><p>When I logged into the portal at exactly 1:30, I had an update: 272! I had already done some calculations at home to figure out what the number would be if I was still doubling every 72-ish hours, Thus, I knew the number I wanted to see was a minimum of about 240. I hopped over to Betabase to calculate the doubling time and was pleased to see we'd moved from 72.34 to 56.53 hours; that seemed promising. Until I heard from the fertility clinic, I didn't want to get too far ahead of myself. However, I felt like I could breathe a bit easier. The stress level on my watch dropped, too! How fascinating.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEi54fDAw9AJoNaDPWiIRIlCEaVKi1hGV9elecKBO6rDr_Gvv4HoMsD545N74NHwF7et1Qi9jMzTkQ0OExiFj3-ffNmY-JeiGXf2wWoY57G25Z5_b-LkPZTkqZfvgeZqrKcbFVm-hkSiJeULTrC4H0Me-VccoaedPD_OS-Bf9qyU_xTB8YbL_6qwAOod2Q=s1237" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1062" data-original-width="1237" height="344" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEi54fDAw9AJoNaDPWiIRIlCEaVKi1hGV9elecKBO6rDr_Gvv4HoMsD545N74NHwF7et1Qi9jMzTkQ0OExiFj3-ffNmY-JeiGXf2wWoY57G25Z5_b-LkPZTkqZfvgeZqrKcbFVm-hkSiJeULTrC4H0Me-VccoaedPD_OS-Bf9qyU_xTB8YbL_6qwAOod2Q=w400-h344" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEiRrC003gE3YXdpZBJU86SulA5Mlba36JYqFQFWQWbOvG91NM2u_W0OLTCWYMar-Eji9Qr0b28ULaodVtmwU0pGp4r0pZMo_0qBoN_Wu3SBZSFmU9bcTgftOEfRO0rxqGGVL3UnbU_88XcXoHwX2wT6KDhoHf-jfxLb9_8cd6mINk9MVj33FsKVYfEB3w=s911" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="782" data-original-width="911" height="344" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEiRrC003gE3YXdpZBJU86SulA5Mlba36JYqFQFWQWbOvG91NM2u_W0OLTCWYMar-Eji9Qr0b28ULaodVtmwU0pGp4r0pZMo_0qBoN_Wu3SBZSFmU9bcTgftOEfRO0rxqGGVL3UnbU_88XcXoHwX2wT6KDhoHf-jfxLb9_8cd6mINk9MVj33FsKVYfEB3w=w400-h344" width="400" /></a></div><br /><p>My nurse called at 2:13 pm, and the first thing she asked was how I was feeling. I was honest and said, "Well, I already peeked at my results, so I'm feeling pretty good." She told me that my RE still wants to keep an eye on the progress since the numbers are low. I agreed to come in on Monday for another blood draw. As I was sending out update texts later that afternoon (after Richard was awake and had heard the news), a friend said, "How many tests are they going to do before they let you relax?" which is an excellent question...but we also agreed that the frequent updates are a silver lining (at least as long as the news stays good.)</p><p>Not that there's any normalcy or standard in all of this, but a person who has a 28-day menstrual cycle would be expected to ovulate about 14 days before their next period. (Here's <a href="https://www.parents.com/getting-pregnant/ovulation/ovulation-cycles-and-why-they-can-be-confusing/">an article about why pinpointing the ovulation date can be confusing</a>.) After estimating when they ovulated, people who are TTC track time in days past ovulation, or dpo. In IVF world, it seems (from reading message boards and such--I haven't read anything super scientific) that retrieval day and ovulation day are roughly the same. </p><p>With that in mind, a person with a 28-day cycle would have missed their period (expected at 14 dpo) around 15 dpo. I've been thinking about when a person becomes "actually pregnant" and coming up short. Thus far, the day after a missed period seems reasonable. My 15dp5dt is approximately 20 dpo, so we have cleared that hurdle. Most people who are just looking for a missed period would have received a positive test by now and felt pregnant, so why not me too? I even said, "I'm pregnant" aloud to myself in the car yesterday, and it felt kind of real, kind of fake. I'm hoping that the numbers continue to increase and that I'll find myself able to celebrate and not feel like a pregnancy impostor. </p><p>With repeated blood tests, it's difficult to settle in and enjoy the moment, but I'm doing my best. Still, it feels incredible that we have made it this far. I think the affirmations are helping! I have also been writing down five things I am grateful for each day. It's helping to get my mind right for sure. I'll be praying, keeping my fingers and toes crossed, saying my affirmations, and doing my breathing exercises until I get the next round of blood results. Join me!</p><p>Something that made today great: Good girl talk before bed :)</p><p>Time I woke up: 8:15 am</p>Kimberly R. Davishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03492932270058951996noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4792121272772745524.post-4073929847517995882021-12-28T22:32:00.001-06:002021-12-31T22:56:43.625-06:00Fresh Embryo Transfer 1 - 13dp5dtWelcome back! <p></p><p>I left off two weeks ago, which was the day before our transfer of one embryo five days after our egg retrieval. We transferred the embryo on December 15, and everything went as expected. This time, we got our fries from Whataburger instead of McDonald's. After a good, salty breakfast, I went back to sleep and rested most of the day.</p><p>From our fourth retrieval (<i>fourth??!</i>), we had two eggs that were mature and fertilized, but only one was suitable for transfer. The embryologist watched the second one through day 6 but determined that it was not a candidate for freezing and testing. Although I wondered what happened to the second embryo when we went for our transfer, I didn't ask any questions and just figured it stopped growing. When my RE called the day after the transfer to let me know that the second embryo was not going to be frozen, I wasn't even sad because I had already counted it out.</p><p>With the holiday and my travel plans, my RE had me come in last Wednesday at 7dp5dt--that's seven days after the transfer of a five-day-old embryo--for bloodwork. My RE called while I was at lunch, which made me nervous because he's the one who calls when the news is bad. Sometimes, however, he calls when the news is good, too. In this case, it was the latter: my beta came back at 38. My RE seemed excited to share this news and confirmed that a beta of 38 on day 7 is better than a beta of 25 on day 10. He scheduled me to come back for another blood test when I returned from my holiday travels, so I went back this morning.</p><p>I did not take any pregnancy tests with us on our trip. After the experience with the chemical pregnancy in November, I did not want to be aware if my HCG levels started to drop. Even if the news was good, I didn't want to hyper-focus on whether or not the lines on home pregnancy tests were getting darker. I held out on taking a home test until this morning after I got back from the doctor, and the test was still positive, but I had no idea what the levels would be and had no basis for comparison.</p><p>Generally, at this point in a pregnancy, HCG should be doubling every 48 to 72 hours. Being the math nerd that I am, I had already calculated that with six days of growth, the result today should be between 152 (if doubling every 72 hours) and 304 (if doubling every 48 hours). Around 12:30, I started checking my patient portal for updates. Finally around 1:30, my results were posted: 151.35. While I waited for someone to call, I hopped right over to <a href="http://www.betabase.info/">Betabase</a>, a website I discovered while prowling forums about beta doubling rates, and calculated what this meant for me. The result? I'm doubling every 72.34 hours. </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEi78odUD40pFMrs6cdFb0HwC6N-G0mi9oDqDABeynCxdAgP4QU7yHUDbNX_V6Rz8me__3jgzDMbV2pOo4QFTRpjOP3ogX9F1OS452qP8gEsoGi2Y5hc0BPUWEfoByw7IXOV9OcfeE0PW7pFbyo-oC8XJ0gN_vb_fMmjJ4OlRk5CaM7gd101LVpc1Wt0cw=s1333" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1333" data-original-width="1237" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEi78odUD40pFMrs6cdFb0HwC6N-G0mi9oDqDABeynCxdAgP4QU7yHUDbNX_V6Rz8me__3jgzDMbV2pOo4QFTRpjOP3ogX9F1OS452qP8gEsoGi2Y5hc0BPUWEfoByw7IXOV9OcfeE0PW7pFbyo-oC8XJ0gN_vb_fMmjJ4OlRk5CaM7gd101LVpc1Wt0cw=w371-h400" width="371" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">While this was just outside of the 48- to 72-hour range if we're looking at four significant figures, it does round down to 72, which is normal. This was the kind of information I was simultaneously glad to have but not thrilled to know without guidance from my RE. Fortunately, I didn't have to sit with my imagination (or furiously Google things) for too long.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">My nurse called at 2:22 pm. Since it was my nurse, I knew things couldn't be too bad. I thought the low numbers might send up a red flag or merit an adjustment to my medications, but she told me to keep doing what we have been doing and come back Thursday for another blood test. My nurse did admit that 151 is low, but the increase is a good sign.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">I have heard pregnancy and childbirth described as liminal spaces, but I feel like I'm stuck once more in some weird transition between "pregnant" and "not pregnant." After the first beta following our FET, I ordered a book of affirmations called <i>Conversations with my Belly</i> by Tina Azucena. The book arrived after I already knew the fate of our embryo, but I pulled it out tonight to read through a few. Admittedly, I feel a little silly reading them aloud to myself (or sometimes to Scooter), but at this point, I'd stand on my head in my underwear in public if I thought it would help. The book has many excellent affirmations, but here are a few I like for this moment. I also appreciate that many of them are applicable to parts of life besides pregnancy.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><b>For body:</b></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>I trust my body.</li><li>I am capable of carrying, nurturing, and sustaining the life inside me.</li><li>I am confident in my ability to nourish and grow my baby.</li></ul></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><b>For mind:</b></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>In this moment, my mind is free to feel grateful.</li><li>I choose positive thoughts.</li><li>In times of uncertainty, I call myself back to balance.</li></ul></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><b>For fear:</b></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>I let go of the need for control. I accept things as they are.</li><li>I give myself permission to trust my body.</li><li>I am confident that my body will work efficiently during this pregnancy.</li></ul><div><b>For spirituality:</b></div><div><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>I have faith in myself and my ability to have a healthy pregnancy.</li><li>I choose to have faith in God and all the love that He brings to me and my baby.</li><li>I am grateful for the generous blessings I have received and am receiving.</li></ul></div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">As my friend Bob would say about running and racing, you've got to get your mind right. Rather than fretting and worrying for the next day and a half, I will focus on relaxing and being strong mentally. "Relaxing" might translate into "taking excessive naps," but that's okay. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhQPbIRDnSBNmF4dPqTKgK5-bqxEfFbdEksPY2mzEoTJXAFlkZL95EZ0oBP0a3d2TggKMgF-06GZEQLg9AZ0n49DInkunDDz6QmsYckbGDWwpZBPzQyUqKHqG9e8WUki-RijZ7_ZowFVpT91FVu2ejqA2wNAoTn6oYgxbVet02Yi9sdQJVO8IPwpATFoQ=s2862" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2862" data-original-width="2629" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhQPbIRDnSBNmF4dPqTKgK5-bqxEfFbdEksPY2mzEoTJXAFlkZL95EZ0oBP0a3d2TggKMgF-06GZEQLg9AZ0n49DInkunDDz6QmsYckbGDWwpZBPzQyUqKHqG9e8WUki-RijZ7_ZowFVpT91FVu2ejqA2wNAoTn6oYgxbVet02Yi9sdQJVO8IPwpATFoQ=s320" width="294" /></a></div><p></p><div>Something that made today great: A walk and [decaf] coffee treat with Ellen!</div><div><br /></div><div>Time I woke up: 6:45 am</div>Kimberly R. Davishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03492932270058951996noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4792121272772745524.post-27410971653237845212021-12-14T21:31:00.005-06:002021-12-14T21:31:57.292-06:00IVF Cycle 4 - Retrieval and Fertilization<p>The last few days have been incredibly busy, but I am finally making time for an update. Let's start with Friday.</p><p>After triggering on Wednesday night, the retrieval went as expected on Friday morning. We retrieved three eggs, which is what my RE expected. I'm unsure what happened to the other three follicles that were on the ultrasound (Were they empty? Was there an egg in there that just wasn't mature?) but Richard spoke with the RE after the retrieval, and Richard said he seemed satisfied. Pretty quickly, I decided that the other three were ones that would not have made it anyway and committed to thinking of the eggs we recruited as a "quality over quantity" matter. Funny enough, I heard someone at AFA two weeks ago say that "We were going for quality over quantity" is what many fraternities say after they did not have a good recruitment. (Who knew infertility and fraternities had so much in common?) I thought we had a pretty good shot at having three eggs fertilize, which would be excellent.</p><p>That afternoon, our nurse called to give me instructions for the medications we would be adding. SHe also let me know that someone would call on Monday to schedule the transfer if there was something to transfer. Friday night, we started the pre-transfer medications, which included four days of methylprednisolone, two estradiol tablets daily, and one progesterone in oil (PIO) shot daily. I was out of town on Saturday night and did my own shot, but otherwise, Richard has assumed the role of shot giver. </p><p>Saturday morning, the embryologist called with our fertilization update. I was asleep with my phone on silent, but they left a message to let us know that two of the three eggs had fertilized. While not the three I'd hoped for, <a href="https://www.webmd.com/infertility-and-reproduction/news/20120111/ivf-are-three-embryos-too-many-transfer">I had also read that transfers of three embryos have lower live birth rates than transfers of three embryos</a>, so I felt reasonably good about this news.<br /></p><p>Monday was our next big milestone because I was going to find out if and when we would have our embryo transfer. Typically, the nurse calls with updates between 2:00 and 2:30, so I didn't worry much in the morning. To an extent, I am getting better at not worrying since these things are out of my control, but I still worry sometimes. Our nurse didn't call until 2:54, so the minutes between 2:30 and 2:54 were not particularly peaceful for me. Even knowing (and personally witnessing last week) that Monday can be a busy day at our clinic, I started to worry that we had nothing to transfer, and our doctor would be calling after 4:00 with bad news. (Our RE is the one who delivers the bad news.) When the phone rang at 2:54, I was somewhat relieved to see our clinic's name instead of our RE's name, and I was more relieved when I heard my nurse's voice on the other end...but I was still quite nervous. However, she let me know that we had one embryo to transfer and that I should show up at the clinic at 9:45 am on Wednesday with a full bladder for a transfer at 10:00 am. <b> </b></p><p><b>Phew</b>. </p><p>I asked our nurse if we just had one embryo, and she said, "For now," which I was unclear if that meant, "Your one could go away," or, "Your other one might catch up and be sufficient for transfer." I decided not to inquire in case it was the former--less to worry about. </p><p>In the same way that fraternities that had a low turnout during recruitment tout the "quality over quantity" line, something said often in [in]fertility world is, "It only takes one," which is true. The question is will this be our one, and that remains to be seen...but we certainly hope so. I feel at ease about the procedure, and I am surprisingly not concerned about the fact that our embryo(s?) will be untested before the transfer. Hopefully my body will take over, and we'll have amazing news in a few weeks. That's the dream anyway!<br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEiCLwCcpWCmioxPC34pT35XFt3HqJw7Lf3a8ID66SE2aBrJqYZ368kfYgooL8jgnZu9oOUnsEFoPuBB_ospj7Ffz74YKQXYLD0r7Y8ue50GtOyuEDv-lrB_2LJqtI7s4F62W_UNQreq_fWrczxvTTg18p-igRWFWYKzlfH2P9WwLCFaWj-Wl7L_iqchDQ=s2873" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2794" data-original-width="2873" height="311" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEiCLwCcpWCmioxPC34pT35XFt3HqJw7Lf3a8ID66SE2aBrJqYZ368kfYgooL8jgnZu9oOUnsEFoPuBB_ospj7Ffz74YKQXYLD0r7Y8ue50GtOyuEDv-lrB_2LJqtI7s4F62W_UNQreq_fWrczxvTTg18p-igRWFWYKzlfH2P9WwLCFaWj-Wl7L_iqchDQ=s320" width="320" /></a></div>Something that made today great: I got a few responses to my dissertation recruitment e-mails!<br />Kimberly R. Davishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03492932270058951996noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4792121272772745524.post-67180630393984146712021-12-08T23:10:00.009-06:002021-12-31T22:56:31.884-06:00IVF Cycle 4 - Stims Day 8<p>A year ago, I had laparoscopic surgery to check for endometriosis. My OBGYN found and removed some endometriosis (stage 2 of 4), but what raised a red flag for him was that my ovaries weren't looking as round as expected for someone my age. With that, Richard and I took a referral to our RE, and I have since had more people, wands, and devices up in my lady bits than I would expect in a year that didn't involve getting and staying pregnant. Also, there's been quite a bit of bloodwork.<br /></p><p>Today, we finished ovarian stimulation for our fourth IVF cycle. But before I recount the events of the day, let me back up first. Here's what a typical appointment has looked like for me at my clinic:</p><ol style="text-align: left;"><li>Arrive/check in (which is a non-event because the staff recognizes us at this point)<br /></li><li>Wait in the big waiting room</li><li>Have the blood draw<br /></li><li>Empty my bladder (optional/if needed)<br /></li><li>Wait in the small waiting room</li><li>Have the ultrasound</li><li>Wait in the small waiting room again<br /></li><li>Talk to the nurse about next steps<br /></li><li>Pay (if there is anything to pay) </li><li>Leave </li></ol><p>Today during step 6, we noticed that there were more follicles on the ultrasound, which I thought was good news after our conversation on Monday. Two more appeared on the right, and the one on the left was still there. That brought our total to six follicles.<br /></p><p>Despite the fact that I just named ten steps, our appointments are generally pretty quick. Sometimes we're in and out in 20 minutes. I mentioned that Monday was not one of those times, but it turned out that today wasn't either. We waited in the small waiting room for longer than usual. In contrast to Monday, however, the office was not swarming this morning. So of course I let my brain take over, and I started to worry during step 7.</p><p>Then during step 8, our nurse told us we were going to have to have the conversation we'd talked about on Monday. I was a little puzzled by this since we were looking at more follicles today. I guess part of why we had to wait longer today was that our nurse and RE had to consult. Our RE came in shortly after we sat down in the nurse's office. To make a long story short, of the three options I described yesterday, Option 1 ("Go forward with the retrieval as planned") won. <br /></p><p><b>What happens next, however, looks different. </b></p><p>Our RE told us that we might want to shift our focus to trying to achieve a pregnancy rather than trying to bank more embryos. Certainly, we'd been prepared (and hoping) for a pregnancy when we did the frozen embryo transfer in October. What he offered up was proceeding with the egg retrieval but attempting a fresh transfer next week. As the name suggests, a fresh transfer is different from the past where we biopsied and froze embryos while we waited for the testing. Financially, the choice of attempting a fresh transfer makes sense: there are extra costs (over $3000--one day I will get into the finances of IVF) involved with the biopsy, cryopreservation (freezing), testing, and storage that we avoid with a fresh transfer. We still have one euploid embryo in the freezer that's frozen in time at the age of 32, I am still under the age of 35 (a big deal in [in]fertility world), and I'm not knocking it out of the park with follicles this cycle. Our RE said this is the path he would recommend but told us to take some time to think about it.</p><p>This suggestion was a bit surprising to us for a number of reasons, first and foremost that we'd literally never discussed a fresh transfer. Also, this was the same physician who told us about a month ago that we'd need to do the endometrial receptivity analysis (ERA) before attempting another transfer. Well, that specifically meant a frozen transfer, not a fresh one. (And it's entirely possible that we missed that critical F word when we talked last month.) To keep it simple, our RE explained that my body is already doing a lot of what we were trying to achieve with the transfer medications, and my uterus and lining look great. (My RE actually said that we have a great car and just need something in the driver's seat, hahaha.) Pending bloodwork (primarily that my progesterone stayed under about 1.5), he said we could try the fresh transfer.<br /></p><p></p><p>On November 21, I wrote, "Looking at the calendar, that meant that another actual transfer before the end of the year was not in the cards." I think God is probably laughing right now. While another frozen embryo transfer before the end of the year was not in the cards, we unexpectedly have the option of a fresh transfer. This is just another instance of something I didn't think of as an option becoming our reality; I have had at least one of these in every cycle but the second one.<br /></p><p>Our nurse called back this afternoon to confirm that we could go ahead with the retrieval on Friday. Specifically, I would need to administer the trigger shot at 9:30 tonight for a retrieval on Friday morning at 9:30. Something different about this cycle is that we did our evening stim shots instead of discontinuing after the morning shot. I think it's because my biggest follicle is currently a 20, compared to 25+ in other cycles on the day of the trigger shot.<br /></p><p>Looking to the retrieval, the quantitative researcher/data analyst in me wanted to detect a pattern. I took a look at my handy spreadsheet of IVF cycles and saw that we had a monitoring appointment on day 8 during our third IVF cycle. As it turns out, the six follicles I have right now look a lot like the middle six follicles I had in the third cycle. In that cycle, we retrieved seven eggs, and six were mature and fertilized. Although every cycle is different and I'm only comparing with one other cycle, this piece of information made the situation seem less bleak. What we need next is to have a higher (or at least the same) blastocyst rate than our third cycle. <br /></p><p style="text-align: center;"><img alt="" src="data:image/png;base64,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" /></p><p>So, the next few weeks are filled with possibility and lots of steps. Here are a few things we're hoping for now:</p><ol style="text-align: left;"><li>That the follicles I have stick around and and are retrieved on Friday</li><li>That the retrieved eggs are mature </li><li>That the mature eggs fertilize after the retrieval<br /></li><li>That the embryos make it to day 5</li><li>That the transfer goes smoothly</li><li>That something sticks</li><li>That I have a healthy pregnancy with a live birth</li></ol><p>As always, please join us in hoping and praying for the best possible outcomes. <br /></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p style="text-align: center;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjUnSNoOpMuuAzUU02YC9KNt_swUhiu1s5i8ii49EvKR50P-2qTqcIdauhLqXmGv_RAtv1bO8OmfPskBmQcl_9XA1DuCY6ai69jAGK0g5sQ9SQcApv7NizpL455p9233_FiEczol5YdWGo_dhzbHPLGafF3jPqkTT9X5otbEEl_VyGMwMIZDNiDApkFLw=s3741" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2688" data-original-width="3741" height="288" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjUnSNoOpMuuAzUU02YC9KNt_swUhiu1s5i8ii49EvKR50P-2qTqcIdauhLqXmGv_RAtv1bO8OmfPskBmQcl_9XA1DuCY6ai69jAGK0g5sQ9SQcApv7NizpL455p9233_FiEczol5YdWGo_dhzbHPLGafF3jPqkTT9X5otbEEl_VyGMwMIZDNiDApkFLw=w400-h288" width="400" /></a></div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgXkiHFMVop-4rzkxD0qpR5ggMz2SdJQiTQ0BvSj7Q_-QiEZMqsURKibfOhrxe1RsGIjmgOoa7netV6EzieyKV56mDp3WXQ8r790EnJ0z-CDHU9Y1qpZtw5fyMMbIRNDk6eBZSLV6a5Bt4M7tEhF3hBJsK-e--mt9HhQC1m1WlTvByrYOFU6v5j4eiQTg=s4032" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><br /></a><p></p><p style="text-align: center;"></p><p style="text-align: center;"></p><p style="text-align: center;"></p><p style="text-align: center;"></p><p style="text-align: center;"></p><p style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEh5hWUgkghRdD0bmtLgRYLOBMffPAi9pv4Ng-1GgAzJMF_6LbTvTav2Ok260WaChZGRFucMmFjN0HPIX24DiUMt3O0b3itUQm6mRS6gw-jGLrWS7vbyTB0wF1ej6vWR1bda5ipJp-MOGwk5OU4CD6uGla3hpm9ljsQSMSFTshfAbBxAC3oglKvIGJfUqw=s4032" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3024" data-original-width="4032" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEh5hWUgkghRdD0bmtLgRYLOBMffPAi9pv4Ng-1GgAzJMF_6LbTvTav2Ok260WaChZGRFucMmFjN0HPIX24DiUMt3O0b3itUQm6mRS6gw-jGLrWS7vbyTB0wF1ej6vWR1bda5ipJp-MOGwk5OU4CD6uGla3hpm9ljsQSMSFTshfAbBxAC3oglKvIGJfUqw=w400-h300" width="400" /></a> <br /></p><p>Something that made today great: More follicles + confirmation of the egg retrieval</p><p>Time I woke up: 7:00 am<br /></p>Kimberly R. Davishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03492932270058951996noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4792121272772745524.post-32717851816586068972021-12-07T21:11:00.003-06:002021-12-31T22:56:06.380-06:00IVF Cycle 4 - Stims Day 7<p>Richard and I returned to our RE's office for bloodwork and an ultrasound yesterday. This was our first check since the ultrasound we had on November 26, and we were on day 6 of stims. I think it's been a while since we had a Monday appointment, but the clinic was swarming! I guess everyone had some sort of appointment after not going in over the weekend. Our RE saw us instead of our regular ultrasound tech or the physician's assistant. Rather than watching the ultrasound screen, I chatted with my doctor about the podcasts I listened to while driving back from Dallas this weekend. He reported that although my right ovary had three follicles growing--a 12, a 14, and 16--there was not much going on with my left ovary. </p><p>When we talked with the nurse, she wanted to get a pulse on how we might want to proceed if there were still only three follicles when we returned for our next visit, which she expected to be Wednesday. If we didn't see any new growth, the three options would be:</p><p></p><ol style="text-align: left;"><li>Go forward with the retrieval as planned</li><li>Convert the cycle to IUI</li><li>Cancel the cycle completely</li></ol><div>The idea of this conversation was not to blindside us if we weren't seeing more follicles at our next appointment and needed to consider options 2 and 3, which is considerate of our care team...but it still didn't feel good. I learned from thinking through this that my arbitrary number of follicles where I feel comfortable is apparently four. We retrieved four in our first cycle and managed to have one blastocyst. Even though that one turned out to be highly aneuploid, it could have been euploid...so four seemed significantly better than three in my head. (This is all disregarding the third cycle where we retrieved seven, had six mature/fertilized, and still only ended up with one blastocyst that was, again, highly aneuploid.) </div><div><br />After three failed IUIs this summer and years of trying to conceive without intervention, Richard and I were not thrilled about option 2 or 3. While doing an egg retrieval requires anesthesia and higher costs than IUI, we have already sunk so much money into medications and monitoring for this cycle that option 1 seemed like the best choice. Knowing that our numbers will always be low, it seems like a waste to stop at this point.</div><div><br /></div><div>When my results were uploaded to my patient portal yesterday afternoon, there was one little 9 mm follicle listed on the left. I'm not sure if someone else took a look at the ultrasound and decided to count that one or what. So, that put us at four follicles, which somehow feels like it comes with much better odds than three follicles. Four is still low.</div><div><br /></div><div>Needless to say, yesterday's appointment was yet another reminder that our follicle counts will probably always be low, and we will continue to need to have these difficult conversations and make expensive decisions. In the infertility world, a phrase that gets tossed around a lot is, "It only takes one," and it's seeming more and more like we need to set our sights on one euploid embryo per cycle. This is a strange place to be because some people retrieve so many more eggs than that, but others do not respond to meds...so it's all a bit of a crapshoot.</div><div><br /></div><div>Somewhat surprisingly, I'm doing well with this latest batch of news. A friend sent me a devotion about trusting God the other day, and it made me feel totally seen.</div><blockquote><div><i>Trusting God can feel hard when our life doesn't look anything like we thought it would.</i></div></blockquote><blockquote><p><i>But can you imagine how much less anxiety, fear, angst, and heartbreak we would have if we truly trusted Him?</i></p></blockquote><blockquote><p><i>I don't mean just saying we trust God because it's the Christian thing to say. I don’t mean just singing words of trusting God because it’s in the praise song. I mean having a marked moment. A real live moment we can point to and remind ourselves that we declared we will trust God with this suffering. With this disappointment. With this situation. </i></p></blockquote><div>Okay, ouch. Talk about getting called out...but also it's all fair and true. I think I might've finally had that marked moment of shedding some of the anxiety and heartbreak because I didn't cry yesterday, and I didn't worry (too much) while I waited on my results and the nurse's afternoon phone call. </div><div><br /></div><div>When the nurse called, she told me to continue our same medication protocol and return to the office on Wednesday. Richard believes my left ovary will rally before tomorrow morning, and I'm doing my best to mimic his hope and enthusiasm. As long as we have the same or more follicles tomorrow, I suppose we'll be looking at an egg retrieval in the next few days...but I will update about that tomorrow when we know more. Join us in hoping for more follicles tomorrow and a smooth retrieval later this week.</div><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjVMqvut_yF4QGI37QLPpYqKYsCv5UTJIUt-UwJQMx1HBJ19c0DoG-34nvEpoFtM68A5cIxE4ilUaGbsth7w70wcAmAHVIuvfOENNgxzTcLthTlD8AKSUQgyp2JM0qTSI2N4zPpnwjcTHQPsvS3qzgJoV0k4zeV-i6QDYhrJbHr6ZAXquh04AC4lQ7ouw=s4032" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3024" data-original-width="4032" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjVMqvut_yF4QGI37QLPpYqKYsCv5UTJIUt-UwJQMx1HBJ19c0DoG-34nvEpoFtM68A5cIxE4ilUaGbsth7w70wcAmAHVIuvfOENNgxzTcLthTlD8AKSUQgyp2JM0qTSI2N4zPpnwjcTHQPsvS3qzgJoV0k4zeV-i6QDYhrJbHr6ZAXquh04AC4lQ7ouw=w400-h300" width="400" /></a></div><div><br /></div>Something that made today great: The Junior League holiday social was fun!<p></p><p>Time I woke up: 8:40 am</p>Kimberly R. Davishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03492932270058951996noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4792121272772745524.post-44647227513159670802021-11-28T22:54:00.002-06:002021-11-28T22:59:28.256-06:00IVF Cycle 4 - The Beginning<p> It's almost been a month since I had the bloodwork appointment where I was a little pregnant. In most ways, the month has flown by--on top of my regular work and school routine, other things such as travel for conferences, the LSU/Arkansas football game, travel for fun, and Thanksgiving have kept me busy. What I haven't been doing is going to any of the races I signed up for in November. I've also decided I am done drinking alcohol for a while, which hasn't been a huge change in my day-to-day routine but has been surprising for some people in social situations. However, as many of my friends will attest, I love a good mocktail as much as I love a cocktail.</p><p>Despite staying busy, I haven't been quite able to shake the grief that's followed the chemical pregnancy from our first frozen embryo transfer. I know these things take time, and I also know that I'll never be exactly the same after experiencing this loss (and the [in]fertility journey more broadly). It seems like I get a little closer to normal every day, but some days are definitely tougher than others. As evidence that I can still smile and have fun, here are a few photos from The Office Experience that Brooke and I went to in Chicago. (If you're a fan of The Office and are going to be in Chicago between now and January 17, go check out the experience! We loved it.)</p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmLVHdQTOeG1eUPX5Qh9-jCwRNFh1I1BxJ57CqbKfBiZN0yMRe6_TMPuQo-uIOwBLYZF5TBTyQFTx0NucuDitQxcBb2PPtOT5SOcf5y9tjVtWIk7bVq4dpyGAY0kNYnR085WJxV17zom-K/s4032/IMG_7307.HEIC" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3024" data-original-width="4032" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmLVHdQTOeG1eUPX5Qh9-jCwRNFh1I1BxJ57CqbKfBiZN0yMRe6_TMPuQo-uIOwBLYZF5TBTyQFTx0NucuDitQxcBb2PPtOT5SOcf5y9tjVtWIk7bVq4dpyGAY0kNYnR085WJxV17zom-K/w400-h300/IMG_7307.HEIC" width="400" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Brooke and me in Michael's office</td></tr></tbody></table><br /><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdDf3wiXTZJGfzQ_m-iAfU4W_0ufozS9qsGaPfA1HprIDbZhxX0MeicjtRl77RbXhvqDTqAqalRx5bLDbtzpcMJOhaan9nqz679qwZNmd5NTD7Kxa2pJKseACIsGX5AZO_3DkUsIej5IT9/s4032/IMG_7323.HEIC" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdDf3wiXTZJGfzQ_m-iAfU4W_0ufozS9qsGaPfA1HprIDbZhxX0MeicjtRl77RbXhvqDTqAqalRx5bLDbtzpcMJOhaan9nqz679qwZNmd5NTD7Kxa2pJKseACIsGX5AZO_3DkUsIej5IT9/w300-h400/IMG_7323.HEIC" width="300" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Enjoying the Finer Things Club--I'm smiling under the mask</td></tr></tbody></table><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="text-align: left;">I was supposed to go back to the doctor on November 19 to prepare for our fourth IVF cycle, but when I looked forward in my calendar, I realized I was going to be out of town for the Association of Fraternity and Sorority Advisors Annual Meeting during the late stims/possible retrieval portion of the cycle. I want to attend the annual meeting for a number of reasons, including hopefully promoting my dissertation study, but I also didn't want to lose a month. Fortunately, when I realized this was going to be an issue, I called my nurse and got approval from my doctor to stay on the Nuvaring for an extra week. With everything pushed back a week, I went back for an ultrasound and bloodwork on November 26. Everything looked as expected, so we start Lupron injections tomorrow at 5 am. Full stims will start on Wednesday. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="text-align: left;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">I'm approaching this next cycle with a mix of emotions. Our doctor told us when we first started seeing him that we might not hit the right cycle (I forget his exact words) on the first try. The second cycle was the best by far (two euploid embryos as opposed to zero), and I'm hoping we will see similar (or better!) results from this time around. I remain grateful that this is something we are able to attempt multiple times, but I also can't help but wonder why Richard and I--or anyone else for that matter--would have to endure such a long and difficult road to (hopefully, but still not guaranteed) biological parenthood. I probably won't understand on this side of Heaven. We will continue doing everything we can and then hoping for the best. Please remember us as we embark on our fourth round of ovarian stimulation and (hopefully) egg retrieval. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="text-align: left;"><br /></span></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpZaj79WB0_W3jm9jQ8B2HApe8JubrcRR4MflFVO29S3Pa9iCmtr1ub58YTE6da1TNynMz7f20hF4pqyPZE4VRNQe3JKjQmQJk8Lf2LjHLZNp-Yim2ogW7BALrgpQoYdwrdobyKmjTVTDL/s4032/IMG_7769.HEIC" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3024" data-original-width="4032" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpZaj79WB0_W3jm9jQ8B2HApe8JubrcRR4MflFVO29S3Pa9iCmtr1ub58YTE6da1TNynMz7f20hF4pqyPZE4VRNQe3JKjQmQJk8Lf2LjHLZNp-Yim2ogW7BALrgpQoYdwrdobyKmjTVTDL/w400-h300/IMG_7769.HEIC" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Something that made today great: Video chatting with Ashley, Emma, and [briefly] Brittany</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Time I woke up: 11:45 am</div><p></p>Kimberly R. Davishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03492932270058951996noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4792121272772745524.post-42036907420161439672021-11-12T23:50:00.005-06:002021-11-13T00:01:53.533-06:00FET Cycle 1 Wrapup<p>It's been two weeks since my last update, so I guess it's time for another one.</p><div>When I left off, I'd just gotten the news that my first beta result was 25, which was a gray area, or "a little pregnant." This was not the news we'd hoped for, and despite wanting to not stress out all weekend, I stressed out all weekend. On Friday night, I took a home pregnancy test for the experience of seeing what a "little pregnant" test looked like. Something just felt wrong all weekend. I met my friend Megan for late lunch/early dinner on Sunday afternoon, and I could barely eat. On Sunday night, I decided to try another test, and the second line on the test--the one that separates the "pregnant" from the "not pregnant"-- was all but gone. In two short days, our pregnancy faded away. The test from Sunday is still sitting on my bathroom counter with the second line barely there; it is simultaneously a reminder that I was once pregnant and a reminder that I'm not pregnant anymore. I probably need to throw it away.</div><div><br /></div><div>After consulting with another friend who's had a failed transfer, I decided to message my nurse and ask if I could come in for bloodwork on Monday instead of Tuesday to save myself the waiting and the progesterone shots I would have needed if the pregnancy has been viable. This is probably a bit dramatic, but I felt like I was on a death march. My nurse responded early on Monday morning, and I went in at 9:00 for the bloodwork. </div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMNTE5pFaL9bd1NH93uKSI8w0HlrQKR8G9lSwK8Ckf9gJhZHMKhyphenhyphenTnuZvn7Tmc3TeT62v5z4JJL5FwkvM5ip3xHiZQd7qZtbAsWCys59CZ7cM158uZbBTA35aAzb8qCFVj6BcT53iKMFUJ/s1242/IMG_7484.PNG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="848" data-original-width="1242" height="272" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMNTE5pFaL9bd1NH93uKSI8w0HlrQKR8G9lSwK8Ckf9gJhZHMKhyphenhyphenTnuZvn7Tmc3TeT62v5z4JJL5FwkvM5ip3xHiZQd7qZtbAsWCys59CZ7cM158uZbBTA35aAzb8qCFVj6BcT53iKMFUJ/w400-h272/IMG_7484.PNG" width="400" /></a></div><br /><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>The nurse called Monday afternoon to let us know that my HCG had dropped to 5, which is considered negative. She told me I could discontinue the medications I was on and wait for my period to start. Looking to the future, she said that before we attempted another transfer, my doctor wanted to do an Endometrial Receptivity Analysis, or ERA. There's more information on <a href="https://www.igenomix.com/blog/fertility-treatments/what-to-know-about-endometrial-receptivity-analysis-2/">this website</a>, but to put it simply, I will do a mock transfer cycle (complete with the meds and shots) but not actually transfer an embryo. Instead, they'll take a sample from my endometrium (uterine lining) to see if we actually timed the transfer correctly, if I need more days of progesterone, or if I need fewer days of progesterone. Looking at the calendar, that meant that another actual transfer before the end of the year was not in the cards.</div><div><br />For those keeping count at home, though, the other issue is our number of euploid (normal) embryos: we're down to one. Regardless of when we do the ERA, we knew we'd have to make a decision about whether to go for another retrieval or try to transfer the second embryo. This was something we wanted to discuss with our doctor, but we also wanted to take some time to process what had just happened and what was about to happen. We called back on Wednesday and scheduled a time to talk with our doctor on Friday.</div><div><br /></div><div>Meanwhile, I had to decide whether I wanted to cancel my plans to attend the Association for the Study of Higher Education (ASHE) conference in San Juan, Puerto Rico. I wanted to go, but I was nervous about what would come next. Ultimately, Richard agreed to travel with me, so I canceled my flight, booked a new one for both of us, and scheduled Scooter for boarding. I also made the decision to go ahead and tell my supervisors what was going on. Truthfully, I'd been minimally productive at work since Friday afternoon's news--I completely threw in the towel and took Monday afternoon as personal time--but my supervisors were supportive and encouraged me to do whatever I felt I needed. I tried (with mixed results) to do what was critical and put everything else on hold.</div><div><br /></div><div>After I learned that I was going to miscarry, I thought a lot about what that would be like in an unfamiliar place compared to in my own home. I pictured myself bleeding and sobbing while I wondered if the baby had come out yet. Regardless of where it happened, I realized it was going to be rough. Even the fact that I could prepare for the moment felt strange. I've reflected a bit, and I think it was better to know what was coming than to be caught off guard. I worried that it would be painful, too. It was like a different version of the same death march I had been on, but at least there was an end in sight. </div><div><br /></div><div>I started bleeding on Thursday. While I found myself wondering if I'd just flushed what could have been our child down the toilet, I never cried. It was slightly more painful than my regular periods, but I managed the pain with over-the-counter meds. I was oddly at peace, and I truly think it helped that so many people have been praying for us. I also appreciated the change of scenery and the fact that Richard was there with me.<br /></div><div><br /></div><div>We talked with our RE on Friday morning about next steps and determined that we would go for a fourth retrieval before attempting another transfer. Despite everything we've been thrown this year, Richard and I are still hopeful that we will be able to have children using my eggs and his sperm. Our doctor had several anecdotes about couples going through IVF and then getting pregnant naturally, which is a lovely thought but one that feels completely out of reach at this point in our process. With our desire for multiple children and only one normal embryo in the freezer, another retrieval seemed to make the most sense. I'm not getting any younger. So, we're at the beginning of IVF cycle 4.</div><div><br /></div><div>Coming home from the conference was a bit of a challenge. I have felt very left behind as we continue down this road. I'm also learning that I feel the best when I am totally distracted. I want to think about conferences, work, and anything but [in]fertility. I don't have the energy or emotional bandwidth to work at the level I would like, but I've mostly been working until I'm tired enough for bed. This is effective for me in most ways, but I also realize that there is now a volatile can of emotions just waiting in the wings to explode. Below is a picture of me presenting some of my dissertation research (as research-in-progress) at a [different] conference this week. I think I look happy and proud. I love my dress, and my hair and makeup were on point too, despite the number that the New Orleans humidity did on my curls. But when I zoom in on my face, I see how tired I look and how much hurt is in my eyes. I have tried to bury this immense grief because I can't shake it off. The best I can do is suppress it.</div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgI01PtL-hMIzJpO5pPiYEMFIyhI69ShHDAUjkVnqaUV7m1WnUD7nkKn6W2oCvJfvcKCOOVYYFi4zv-O9CJQfyyav4iy8i7Kcx7AIzxNKtYUisZ9KoLFUJ0l0613_1UNtDw0U5imV_WE9Yl/s3267/IMG_7451.HEIC" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3267" data-original-width="2730" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgI01PtL-hMIzJpO5pPiYEMFIyhI69ShHDAUjkVnqaUV7m1WnUD7nkKn6W2oCvJfvcKCOOVYYFi4zv-O9CJQfyyav4iy8i7Kcx7AIzxNKtYUisZ9KoLFUJ0l0613_1UNtDw0U5imV_WE9Yl/w334-h400/IMG_7451.HEIC" width="334" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div>Despite my sadness, there are several positive things that I can say about all of this. The failed embryo transfer and chemical pregnancy have absolutely affirmed the strength of my marriage and the dreaminess of my husband. The years of trying have been difficult, but this year especially so. Richard assures me that he's going to love me no matter what, and we're going to get through this. Even if I already knew all of that, it's good to hear again. Similarly, I have felt lots of love and support from friends and family in the form of Facebook messages, Facebook comments, text messages, and calls from family and friends. There are so many people who have offered sympathetic thoughts and words of encouragement while I've been down in the dumps. I'll also give myself a little bit of credit and state that even though I don't feel fully like myself, I'm pretty darn strong, tough, and resilient...and that's pretty cool. </div><div><br /></div><div>So, time marches on, and we're moving forward with it. I picked up a Nuvaring from a CVS in San Juan last Friday, and our fertility medications will deliver on Tuesday. I return to the RE on Friday for an ultrasound and bloodwork, and I think we'll get our calendar for this cycle at that appointment. I never thought I'd be a repeat IVF-er, but my hopes are high for the upcoming cycle. Please remember us as we prepare for whatever is next.</div><div><br /></div><div>Something that made today great: I had a lovely dinner out with family tonight. </div><div>Time I woke up: 9:00 am</div><div></div>Kimberly R. Davishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03492932270058951996noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4792121272772745524.post-80483708547312707332021-10-29T23:22:00.008-05:002021-10-29T23:59:32.894-05:00FET Cycle 1 - Update 6 (10dp5dt, Beta 1 Day)<p> Right after my transfer, I posted on social media that I was
Pregnant Until Proven Otherwise, or PUPO. Today, beta day, was the day I could
drop the UPO and confirm pregnancy. As I have said repeatedly, nothing—especially
a live birth—is ever guaranteed with IVF, but today’s beta test was the next
step along the journey.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I was a few minutes late for my 9:15 blood draw, but there
was nobody else in the waiting room. I was called back shortly after I sat
down. The draw was quick, and they told me they would call with results in a
few hours. The clinic closes at noon on Friday, so I figured I would not have
long to wait. I watched the clock and was not very focused on my work. At 12:14
pm, my doctor called. He asked if it was a good time to talk, and I told him I needed
to go wake Richard. When Richard was ready, our doctor told us that my beta was
25, which is a gray area. It’s lower than desired at this point, but I am technically
pregnant. I tried to put a positive spin on the situation by saying, “Well I’m
more pregnant than I’ve ever been,” which my doctor agreed was true. The next
test (because of course there’s a next test) is to see if my beta is at increasing.
So, I go back on Tuesday (14dp5dt) at 7:45 am to see what the situation is. The
expectation is that the beta should double every 48 to 72 hours, which would
mean I hope to be in the 60-100 range by the next test. Sometimes it takes babies
a little longer to get going, which I totally understand as someone who’s not
an early riser and is tough to get going. (For those who are wondering, when
the issue isn’t just being slow to grow and the levels fail to rise, this
becomes what is known as a chemical pregnancy—<a href="https://www.whattoexpect.com/pregnancy/chemical-pregnancy/">this article</a>
covers the topic. I’m not ready to discuss this possibility.) In the meantime,
we hope, pray, rest, and try to be happy. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Upon receiving this news, I had two reactions at the same
time. As I reflected on them later, I had to laugh at how graduate learning has
molded my way of thinking but hasn’t made me completely stop flying off the handle
when I initially receive disappointing news.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><b>Reaction 1 (the more dramatic one – skip over this one if
you’re not one for colorful language):<o:p></o:p></b></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><i>Everything I ever learned in the public school system about pregnancy was fucking bullshit. It’s not as simple as “pregnant” or “not pregnant.” How
the hell can a sperm can fertilize an egg, and a person could still not be
pregnant? Fuck the entire system and all of the structures that fail to educate
people about how to take control of their fertility and just tries to scare
people out of having sex. I hate everything.<o:p></o:p></i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><b>Reaction 2 (the one I’m prouder of):<o:p></o:p></b></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><i>The more I learn, the more I realize how much I don’t know.
I can learn a lot from this experience. How can we more adequately define
pregnancy (or are we already doing the best we can)? I thought this would be a
simple “pregnant” or “not pregnant” situation, but it’s more of a dimmer switch
than a light switch you flip on or off…and it’s looking pretty dim right now. I
was never guaranteed a viable pregnancy, and I will not be guaranteed a viable
pregnancy even if the beta does increase, so really I would have been waiting
for the next thing—whatever that was—regardless.<o:p></o:p></i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Truthfully, I knew in my heart that being PUPO really meant
being a little pregnant. I had lunch with some friends last Sunday and opted for
a mocktail with my meal since I was PUPO. I explained to them that the sperm
had fertilized the egg, and the embryo was in my uterus, but we were waiting and
hoping it would implant and grow. Saying that aloud and typing it just now does
truly feel ridiculous. In a poll, even of educated people, I think most people would
agree when the sperm and egg meet and are in the uterus, a person is pregnant. There’s so much we
take for granted and expect bodies to do when in fact, it’s difficult for some
bodies.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">The good news in all of this is that we now know I am capable
of becoming pregnant. I have wanted this and hoped and prayed for it for years.
Another thing I’ve learned from (a) graduate school and (b) working in
positions where I had to hold young people accountable is that you have to ask
the questions you’re actually trying to get an answer to. As I’ve asked and
dreamed of being pregnant, I didn’t specify how pregnant I hoped to be. I have
learned to pray for a viable pregnancy ending with a live birth, but I never
said anything about betas. So really, I got what I asked for. In the future, I’ll
ask for high betas. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I’ve been jamming to Tom Petty and James Taylor tonight, and
Tom Petty says in “The Waiting” that the waiting is the hardest part. I’m not
sure that’s exactly true, but it’s definitely a part. Please remember us and
pray for us through this next chunk of waiting time.<o:p></o:p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgE80Uii5vDvWPBCwzpsnVVAH0oXK4xO6bnFMXW5ldra_CPptmop9ECDZinduzmxaUbBJjfF7usaqayQNWEtyBYi9mMUMQDqZ2nrkWTYDFl_SKnYQADqV2YFRzMNseWiq7H3UsMKQEpj5gm/s4032/IMG_7322.HEIC" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgE80Uii5vDvWPBCwzpsnVVAH0oXK4xO6bnFMXW5ldra_CPptmop9ECDZinduzmxaUbBJjfF7usaqayQNWEtyBYi9mMUMQDqZ2nrkWTYDFl_SKnYQADqV2YFRzMNseWiq7H3UsMKQEpj5gm/w300-h400/IMG_7322.HEIC" width="300" /></a></div><br /><p class="MsoNormal">Something that made today great: The higher education student
association had a mix and mingle on Zoom today that was pretty fun!</p><p class="MsoNormal">
Time I woke up: 8:15 am<o:p></o:p></p>Kimberly R. Davishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03492932270058951996noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4792121272772745524.post-84640194733531915762021-10-27T23:20:00.001-05:002021-10-28T08:16:56.335-05:00FET Cycle 1 - Update 5 (8dp5dt)<p>Oops, I definitely didn't realize that two weeks had passed since my last update. I am now 8 days past a transfer of one thawed 5-day embryo (with transfer day being day 0), which is referred to in the lingo as "8dp5dt." <br></p><p>Since my last post, we started the PIO shots. Overall, they are going well! We have received several tips that have made the process a little better for us (at least I think they have--we didn't have a control for this experiment). Warming the oil (either in a cup of warm water or in our armpits) helps thin the oil a bit, and going for a walk or easy run after has been helpful for my muscles. Admittedly, I have gone back to sleep more days than I have gotten up and moved. I definitely notice the difference when I don't exercise...it's that way with other parts of my body and exercise, too. </p><p>For comparison, I included a photograph of the needle Richard uses to inject the PIO compared to the one we use to inject Lupron. Since starting down this road, I have learned that a larger needle gauge means a smaller hole in the needle. Whereas the Lupron syringe (also commonly known as an insulin syringe) is a 31 gauge, the PIO needle is a 22 gauge. I think the Lupron needle is 5/8" long, compared to 1.5" for the PIO. Fortunately, the worst part is piercing the skin with the needle. The actual injection is not bad, and I eat a piece of chocolate every day when it's done, which is good. What might present a new challenge will be if I am actually pregnant, as I am traveling to a conference next week and will have to do my own injections or find a conference buddy and get really close with them really fast...but we aren't there yet.<br></p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" id="id_49cd_ce97_e3fd_c8da"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiasVzMxIKm1zTUEo4X_xyzpdKN4ceYefg7ooGxPN9NfCDlSn2pD5f2f-tPcoB7YC0Vef9qAJen5WjVHgC_rvRanvY5n7QXugmpUQvcxNqEZJP7tofCtauwZjvmNwJqxmaU1w3j91YkSQHw/s3024/IMG_7298.HEIC" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img alt="Photograph of two syringes (one larger than the other with a longer needle) and two bottles of progesterone (one empty and one half full) on a black bathroom counter" border="0" data-original-height="2430" data-original-width="3024" height="321" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiasVzMxIKm1zTUEo4X_xyzpdKN4ceYefg7ooGxPN9NfCDlSn2pD5f2f-tPcoB7YC0Vef9qAJen5WjVHgC_rvRanvY5n7QXugmpUQvcxNqEZJP7tofCtauwZjvmNwJqxmaU1w3j91YkSQHw/w400-h321/IMG_7298.HEIC" width="400" id="id_338f_346d_4ec3_a703" style="width: 400px; height: auto;"></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">A comparison of needles: PIO vs Lupron</td></tr></tbody></table><br><p>Other than PIO injections, I had my last lab visit on Monday, October 18, and then Tuesday, October 19 was the transfer date. (Yay!) There is a risk (of course there is, there's always a risk) that something could go wrong in the thawing process, but our embryo thawed exactly as expected. Our doctor even called it "gorgeous" and gave us a picture as proof. While "gorgeous" is a different term from the "beautiful" word that I resist, it still makes me nervous to put much stock in those sorts of comments. Richard and I were not sure if the embryo looked more like him or me, but our doctor said the comparison is difficult to make unless we have photos of ourselves five days after the sperm met the egg, and technology has changed considerably since the 1980's. I guess time will tell. </p><p>Although I'd talked with a few people who have been through the FET process, I was still a little unsure of what to expect. It was a short process and was not painful, but it shares many uncomfortable characteristics with a pap smear, including a hospital gown, stirrups, and a speculum. (But as a bonus, I got a warm blanket for this one!) Something different about this procedure is that Richard was able to be in the room with me. I think his presence helped keep me calm. Also different was that it felt a little like being on a medical or scientific TV show. The embryologist entered the room and asked me to confirm my name, date of birth, and what I was there for. (I got all three correct.) Then, a few moments later, she returned and said, "One embryo for Davis," and passed it to the doctor. I didn't get a good look at the container, and I kind of regret not paying better attention. Richard was able to watch on the ultrasound screen while the doctor inserted the catheter and put the embryo in. I didn't really know what I was looking at, so I looked at the ceiling more than the screen. In total, the procedure only lasted a few minutes. A moment after we finished, the embryologist returned and stated "all clear." In other words, the catheter was empty--no embryo left behind. Our doctor was satisfied with the transfer and said it went exactly as it should have. That was good news! <br></p><p>After the transfer, we went to McDonald's to pick up lunch and lots of fries, because <a href="https://onehangrymama.com/how-mcdonalds-french-fries-can-help-your-ivf-cycle/">it's IVF community folklore that they're supposed to bring good luck after the transfer</a>. (Richard and Scooter ate fries as well for good measure.) I rested all day after that and made sure to keep my feet warm (more IVF folklore). I continued to take it mostly easy for the rest of the week. Richard was off all week, so we enjoyed having down time at home together.</p><p>Over the last few days, the waiting has gotten more difficult. I've increased my napping frequency once more, which could be a sign of pregnancy or could be a sign of estradiol and progesterone. Friday (10/29) is the day I go to my doctor and have a blood test for pregnancy. The test is referred to as the <a href="https://www.verywellfamily.com/the-pregnancy-hormone-hcg-1960127">Beta, short for beta human chorionic gonadotropin (HCG)</a>. HCG is known as the pregnancy hormone because blood or urine tests measuring HCG levels can confirm pregnancy. The over the counter/at home pregnancy tests check HCG levels in the urine.</p><p>On Sunday night, my mom asked me, "Why do you have to go to the doctor for a pregnancy test? Can't you just take a test at home?" Those are interesting questions indeed. The short answer is that while <a href="https://medlineplus.gov/lab-tests/pregnancy-test/">urine pregnancy tests are 97-99% accurate, blood pregnancy tests are more like 99% accurate</a>. A risk of a false result on an at-home test could be worrisome or devastating for many reasons. With a false negative urine test and a positive blood test, I could be thinking the FET failed when it didn't. With a false positive urine test and a negative blood test, I could be getting my hopes up about a failed transfer. People make different decisions about whether to test at home, and the choice is highly personal. Regardless of testing choice, the wait until the beta doesn't go away. </p><p>My beta is Friday morning, so I am about a day and a half from the test and a little longer than that before we have results. I'm hoping that Thursday isn't too agonizing with the waiting. I have a few things scheduled that will keep me busy.<br></p><p>Something that made today great: I video chatted with Ashley and Emma and laughed about all kinds of silly stuff! <br></p><p>Time I woke up: 8:30 am</p><p><br></p>Kimberly R. Davishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03492932270058951996noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4792121272772745524.post-39482671699770474302021-10-13T23:22:00.001-05:002021-10-13T23:22:45.493-05:00FET Cycle 1 - Update 4<p>Okay, we're gaining momentum! Richard and I went for our last ultrasound today, and my RE said things looked beautiful. I kind of resist using that word for anything fertility related after our beautiful embryo from the third retrieval turned out to be highly aneuploid, but at the same time, I know my doctor meant it in a positive way. My ovaries are chilling out (which is what we want before a transfer), and my endometrial thickness was 10. Research has suggested (<a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5794374/">this article</a> cites 5 studies) that pregnancy and live birth rates are significantly higher when endometrial thickness is is greater than 9-10 mm, so I'm where I need to be.<br /></p><p>After our ultrasound, our nurse gave us a small packet of instructions for before the transfer, after the transfer, and the PIO shots. She also told us the time for the transfer: October 19 at 10:30 am! Tomorrow's PIO shot has to be at exactly 10:30 am (something about lining up with the transfer time), but the other days can be whenever I want them. I'm happy to be able to work from home for the first one. I've been advised to go for a brisk walk to work my glutes after the shot, but I'm going to do it big tomorrow: Ellen is coming over for a pre-lunch run.<br /></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiE5s9ZW5iFZhirtwNQZZjIH2tquC5nm4Xne7qvCPYm_j7N56OZJb45jwbT80cmgR_7kedLHcMjZ_f-TxOGtVXH-IpPnBxcg-66KJKIPi80Qo0zKsCXxJGbR8dQCw8wTNxBpwYKxZKojTEp/s2799/IMG_7075.HEIC" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2159" data-original-width="2799" height="344" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiE5s9ZW5iFZhirtwNQZZjIH2tquC5nm4Xne7qvCPYm_j7N56OZJb45jwbT80cmgR_7kedLHcMjZ_f-TxOGtVXH-IpPnBxcg-66KJKIPi80Qo0zKsCXxJGbR8dQCw8wTNxBpwYKxZKojTEp/w445-h344/IMG_7075.HEIC" width="445" /></a></div><p></p><p>Toward the end of last week, I heard from a connection I met through an infertility group that her transfer was canceled because her endometrial lining was not where it needed to be for a transfer. After that, I was worried that we might not get to move forward on October 19 as scheduled. Thus, I was relieved to get the green light today. I was also surprised by how different I felt leaving our appointment knowing that my next visit would be the day before the transfer. It all feels really real, but in a good/exciting way. <br /></p><p>A bright spot since my last update is that my body seems to have grown
accustomed to the estradiol, and I have not had to take any naps in four
days. I love naps, but it's nice to not <i>need</i> a nap to feel functional. I'm sure I'll take a nap or two this weekend. <br /></p><p>Something that made today great: Getting our transfer time and instructions was pretty great!<br /></p><p>Time I woke up: 6:45 am</p>Kimberly R. Davishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03492932270058951996noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4792121272772745524.post-76496325607677876282021-10-09T15:25:00.002-05:002021-10-09T15:25:39.045-05:00FET Cycle 1 - Update 3<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">We went back to the doctor yesterday, and things seem to be proceeding as expected. I started taking estradiol on October 1 (which was actually very early on October 2 thanks to pharmacy mishaps and airline delays!), and that has been mostly fine. I was notably more tired this week than I have been lately, but I traveled and ran the Oklahoma City Memorial Marathon last weekend, so I can't fully blame the medicine. As scheduled, we upped my estradiol from two tablets daily to three, and we added estradiol patches yesterday. We're not quite 24 hours into the patches, but so far they're a non-issue. All normal life stuff (showering, taking a bath, swimming, exercising) is okay with these, which definitely makes things easier. After 72 hours, I'll take these off and put two more on the other side of my belly...and repeat every 72 hours until further notice. I guess we'll see this week if the estrogen is to blame for my tiredness this week or if I've just been trying to do too much.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"> </div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7WBUzpB7K4kEVDwsnmW00ikg2MbkAlYUz3OYtC_K-eCAnQxBowsFH-LbAqoGQs7C4jZy6FH-RqYDMBy8YqM10Ln0evEliXF6h3CXDfWKRy-qYCACC-LMbG1Wm-SFwPFNgcmr3VCXL2q5x/s1852/IMG_7022.HEIC" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1852" data-original-width="1425" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7WBUzpB7K4kEVDwsnmW00ikg2MbkAlYUz3OYtC_K-eCAnQxBowsFH-LbAqoGQs7C4jZy6FH-RqYDMBy8YqM10Ln0evEliXF6h3CXDfWKRy-qYCACC-LMbG1Wm-SFwPFNgcmr3VCXL2q5x/s320/IMG_7022.HEIC" width="246" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">I have talked a lot about injections, but I don't think I have ever said much about the oral medications/supplements I take for fertility purposes. Some I've been on for a while, others I started when we started seeing our RE. So, here's a short list of what goes into my body every day.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>Prenatal vitamin - started over-the-counter prenatals in late 2017/early 2018 and switched to a prescription prenatal in April 2019. I don't know that the prescription makes a difference.</li><li>Folic acid - 2 mg (1 mg 2x/day) - started this in April 2019</li><li>DHEA - 25 mg - started this in February 2021 when we started working with our RE</li><li>CoQ10 - 200 mg - started this in February 2021 when we started working with our RE</li><li>Vitamin D3 - 2000 IU - started this in February 2021 when we started working with our RE. I take the fruity gummy ones--this is my favorite part of the daily routine. 🙂</li><li>Baby aspirin - 81 mg - started this last Friday for FET prep, though I also took these during the second retrieval cycle</li><li>Estrace - 6 mg (2 mg 3x/day) - started this last Friday for FET prep. </li></ul><div>We're also still doing 5 units of Lupron once by injection; it's not yet time for the progesterone in oil (PIO). </div><div><br /></div><div>There's a lot of preparation involved in a process that offers no guarantees, but we're plugging along and hoping for the best. Someone I know from an infertility group just had their cycle canceled this week a few days before their scheduled transfer due to issues with the uterine lining, and that was a wake-up call that even this far in, things can still deviate from the plan. With only two precious euploid embryos, we definitely wouldn't want to move forward if conditions were not right. Still, we've been through so much this year (and in the previous years) that it would be devastating to have to abandon the mission and wait to try again. So, we hope and pray that my body responds to the medicines as expected.</div><div><br /></div><div>We'll go back to our RE on Wednesday, and that is our last scheduled ultrasound before the transfer. I'll have labs on the 18th before the transfer on the 19th. I'm doing my best to keep calm, but I don't think it's possible to be completely at peace at this point.</div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhR34KarnOOE3UQdHtrREhL5puulCpPleIHOOTR1QVLS1RAOja4Myy49we-C_cL2hxUQ-zrmCUpyPiPcMgHGd95MRcj6bGODZegDOoxq32NV8cPOS1Lt2xpXHLbruXe4UvOIN1Ey04zRtIX/s3628/IMG_7017.HEIC" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3628" data-original-width="2937" height="415" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhR34KarnOOE3UQdHtrREhL5puulCpPleIHOOTR1QVLS1RAOja4Myy49we-C_cL2hxUQ-zrmCUpyPiPcMgHGd95MRcj6bGODZegDOoxq32NV8cPOS1Lt2xpXHLbruXe4UvOIN1Ey04zRtIX/w336-h415/IMG_7017.HEIC" width="336" /></a></div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br />Something that made today great: I usually write these at night...but so far today, it'd be sleeping as late as I wanted.<p></p><p>Time I woke up: 8:28 am initially, but I went back to sleep for a few hours after playing on my phone for a bit.</p>Kimberly R. Davishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03492932270058951996noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4792121272772745524.post-50486270519304570722021-09-30T23:53:00.004-05:002021-10-01T01:49:19.203-05:00FET Cycle 1 - Update 2<p>With just a few minutes left in September, we are now eagerly looking to October. It's Richard's birth month, but it's also (hopefully) our FET month! It's been a bit since I have made one of these boards, so I'm a little rusty. But...</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCwr5vvEfZFOu1OAAZJd8xhlwrfe7oCgelQ2-4UN2IUg15T9zUXe-boUpG0cJ_cgQWwnMDDXlrUlYTyLEAR3_CBnrJb-l7MWBGRHnURACIYv66CyVWWt9DfhXQg0Ys1HEYxB2Y_Ulrqj-X/s3285/IMG_6909.HEIC" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Letter board that reads "Hooray, we have a transfer day! October 19"" border="0" data-original-height="3285" data-original-width="2879" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCwr5vvEfZFOu1OAAZJd8xhlwrfe7oCgelQ2-4UN2IUg15T9zUXe-boUpG0cJ_cgQWwnMDDXlrUlYTyLEAR3_CBnrJb-l7MWBGRHnURACIYv66CyVWWt9DfhXQg0Ys1HEYxB2Y_Ulrqj-X/w350-h400/IMG_6909.HEIC" width="350" /></a></div><br /><p>At our appointment today, we got a new calendar complete with an anticipated transfer date of October 19 and a schedule of medicines (and medicine changes) to follow until pregnancy test day on October 29. I fell into the birth control/Lupron lull and forgot to stop taking birth control last Thursday, so I had two extra days of birth control. Fortunately, things still look fine, and I am going to pay closer attention to this schedule. Starting tomorrow, I'll be decreasing my Lupron from 10 units to 5 units daily and adding estrogen and baby aspirin to the regimen. I'm still two weeks out from the infamous progesterone in oil shots, but I'm currently so excited to be approaching a transfer that I'm not worried about big needles or thick oil going into my rump. </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjG4IeCZ1eNQiW_8J5gWsbaFSnTPwveukXF2jp-wUwBNjuY48uNUUDUEpSq6D19SEN6JKAg6-HYqIndVZ8Fl7Hmx-gf00fVPvL41i7FlNSR62Kc75Bhz87mh1S6SRWfgiHYg3vKwv0LBheA/s3541/IMG_6910.HEIC" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Photo of medication schedule for Frozen Embryo Transfer" border="0" data-original-height="3541" data-original-width="2830" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjG4IeCZ1eNQiW_8J5gWsbaFSnTPwveukXF2jp-wUwBNjuY48uNUUDUEpSq6D19SEN6JKAg6-HYqIndVZ8Fl7Hmx-gf00fVPvL41i7FlNSR62Kc75Bhz87mh1S6SRWfgiHYg3vKwv0LBheA/w320-h400/IMG_6910.HEIC" width="320" /></a></div><br /><p>As much as I have worried and wondered about IVF in general, I really hadn't thought about the steps leading up to a transfer. It's definitely more complicated and lengthy than I anticipated, but if it gives us a better chance of a pregnancy and live birth, I'm all for any process. I have plenty to keep me busy over the next few weeks, so October 19 will likely be here before I know it! We also have two more appointments on October 8 and 13 for bloodwork and an ultrasound, so that will break up the waiting. Our focus will be following the schedule between visits and hoping that my reproductive system keeps looking the way it's expected to.</p><p>__________ </p><p>Here are some outtakes from making my letter board. When I lived in Natchitoches, Papa's Bar and Grill sold their Big C burgers for $4 on Tuesdays. One night, I went with some of my co-workers, and Susan convinced Mary Bess to order some 1 lb burger. Mary Bess agreed, though I don't think she ate the burger in one sitting. I completely forgot about it until I couldn't find my big "C" letters, so that was a fun memory. I then found not one but two big "C"s on my other letter board. </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRhwuwZWuSBYYNYCDjvbB_pTsxGTkPW-r2egxHgdhUVt4xq6M9IWp1ObfYa-CR_8KHjrGMecyRgcCQde-qynzCWmsZx7FOCzl47eGKc9ZiXcyJmUmEwEwul4QXRm_ruSTzWVgRF1ObYj0r/s2208/IMG_6906.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2208" data-original-width="1170" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRhwuwZWuSBYYNYCDjvbB_pTsxGTkPW-r2egxHgdhUVt4xq6M9IWp1ObfYa-CR_8KHjrGMecyRgcCQde-qynzCWmsZx7FOCzl47eGKc9ZiXcyJmUmEwEwul4QXRm_ruSTzWVgRF1ObYj0r/w341-h640/IMG_6906.JPG" width="341" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqqgOkxv4RiJv7pBNhUrOXa6UDidIp5arXJj1QFftoJwY_wJominyUwPHTIUubv1LRLiHCThi6rb9QbWektD-R3R6PQcdPoFSMgo3S0pQDlx_6B5PVDfRwubWygGS75sigJUCFBRSAvcmX/s2208/IMG_6907.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2208" data-original-width="1170" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqqgOkxv4RiJv7pBNhUrOXa6UDidIp5arXJj1QFftoJwY_wJominyUwPHTIUubv1LRLiHCThi6rb9QbWektD-R3R6PQcdPoFSMgo3S0pQDlx_6B5PVDfRwubWygGS75sigJUCFBRSAvcmX/w341-h640/IMG_6907.JPG" width="341" /></a></div><p><br /></p><p>Something that made today great: Taco Thursday/lunch catch up with Jennie today!</p><p>Time I woke up: 6:40 am</p>Kimberly R. Davishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03492932270058951996noreply@blogger.com0